Friday, September 16, 2011

Reader Request: Bugs and the Things That Bug in Virginia

This request comes from my Uncle Tom. Hi, Tom! 


Bugs in Virginia:
1. I recently had a cicada the size of my husband's thumb hanging out on Eiley's nursery window. Luckily it was outside. It seemed to have some kind of fur, which added to its creepy factor. 
Horrifying.
2. Buster and I saw two giant spiderwebs and two giant spiders on the tree outside our apartment on a walk last week. Terrifying. (Okay, the webs were kind of beautiful.) 
3. Apparently Jeff walked into one of those spiderwebs a couple of days ago. I am still thanking the Lord that one of those spiders didn't land on him.
4. I went to a grassy area behind my apartment on Friday to toss the ball for Buster. I came inside after approximately five minutes with three welts. Vicious bugs.
5. I went to the Norfolk Botanical Gardens on Saturday. I imagined an idyllic afternoon, pushing my beautiful daughter through the pristine gardens, then sitting on a bench near the fountains to scribble my thoughts into a notebook. I sat on one bench and was promptly bitten twice. I moved to a different bench, across the park, and an unidentifiable bug which seemed to have ill intentions hovered near Eiley's face. She was napping and thus defenseless, so we left. It was too hot there anyway.


Things That Bug in Virginia:
1. Bugs. See above.
2. The DMV.
3. The weather. It's hot and humid for 5 and a half months of the year, frigid for five and a half months of the year, and bearable for a few weeks. I'd say there are about seven days of perfection. (Sidenote: Having poor weather all the time does not make me appreciate nice weather more. I lived most of my life in California, and I always noticed the blue skies, cool breeze, mild warmth from the sun. And when I move back in approximately nine months, I will continue to appreciate that beautiful weather. I will daily say, "Weather, you are beautiful. I love you. Those people in Virginia are suckahs.")
4. The natural disasters. Dismal Swamp Wildfire, a little earthquake, and Hurricane Irene, all in a week. I survived Virginia 2011!
5. The drivers. This is a military town, so most people are coming from different states with their own state's way of driving. It's a mess. 
6. The lack of a good beach. There's just something off about the beaches here. Perhaps it's that the sun doesn't set over the water. Or simply that I'm not close enough to the beach to bike to it. Or perhaps it's that the one time I went in the water here, I was attacked by tiny stinging sea creatures. (Also in this category: The complete lack of Disneyland.)
7. The ghettoness. Okay, I suppose there is ghettoness everywhere, not just Virginia. But really, why do people do stuff like this: 

That is all. Thanks for asking me to complain, Tom. That was cathartic.

2 comments:

  1. Wait... did someone put out a cigarette in a pancake?? Weird.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Becca, I was about to ask the same thing! Who assaults perfectly good breakfast food like that?

    ReplyDelete