Confessions of a Squealer

Dear Pyg,

Remember back in B309 when we used to joke about the kinds of girls that squealed at every little thing? Because we were not those kinds of girls. We were too level headed for that. But we also secretly admitted to each other that every now and then, we enjoyed a good squealing over something exciting. So we've been that kind of friend for each other, offering the Squeal-On-Demand, when it's needed, but not because we're actual squealers.

Turns out that is not entirely true of me anymore. This week, I realized, I too can be a squealer.

We headed to the beach with friends this week. We set up our blankets and headed into the tide pools to ease into the water. As the kids splashed and played, my friend and I admired the scenery, the cool air after a muggy summer, the life that was teaming at our feet. But even as I was calling the kids' attention to the tons of hermit crabs below the surface, I screeched and jumped as both my feet were suddenly caressed by tiny little crab arms. I was instantly embarrassed that it made me yelp and had a good laugh at myself. Silly squealer.

We continued to explore, enjoy the waves, discover some much bigger crabs (as in there were crowds of people hunting for their dinner among the rocks where we were wading), and eventually the kids got hungry enough to want to head back to our blanket for some lunch. We snuggled together in our towels and settled into our food, still facing the shore and enjoying all the vista had to offer. "Look at the clouds! Watch the seagulls soaring! Is that an airplane contrail in the sky?" The kids were apparently hungry enough to be quiet and even allow my friend and I to enjoy some adult conversation, which never happens.

So there I sat, in this idyllic Maine landscape, with my babies on a gorgeous cool day, pouring out some story to my dear friend, fully engrossed in that moment, when all of the sudden I was shocked with all my senses except sight. Unexplainable rough noises, a rush of horrid stench, and a knock to my body and sharp pain on my hand. I squealed and I screeched and I full our screamed, over and over. I was under sudden attack.

My whole body spasmed in response. I flailed my arms. I jumped to my feet. I shook my head and shoulders. I probably did a little dance with my toes. And I squealed some more.

I had been attacked by not one, but about five seagulls. It took me a minute to collect my thoughts and realize what had happened. First, one came in and bit my hand, compelling me to throw the sandwich I was holding up into the air. A few more came in and started flapping and jumping all around my head to keep me confused, while a last one swooped in to collect the relinquished prize of deli sliced turkey on twelve grain bread slathered with homemade pesto mayo made with homegrown basil. I can not entirely blame this gang of thugs. It was a good sandwich. I was really mad to lose it. Punks!

Once I gathered my wits and got over the shock, I looked around me to see a beach full of people just staring almost blankly at the show I'd just put on for them. It was thoroughly embarrassing.

We went back to our lunch, now hiding our food under a make-shift-hood of towels, only sneaking bites after doing a careful scan of our surroundings, quick to screech at any more seagulls that got anywhere close. But those that did just gave us empty, bored stare-downs, like they knew we were helpless against the strength of their numbers and the know how they had gathered from interacting with unsuspecting beach-go-ers every single day. It was only a matter of time before they'd get their dessert.

And that my friend is my confession. As cool as I'd like to believe I am, as proud as we were of ourselves back in the day, I am a bonafide involuntary squealer, just like a little pig, not the kind with the "Y." I hope you are not too ashamed to maintain our friendship. At least we have a country between us to protect you from the echoing of my squeals.

Sincerely,
Embarressed

I was asked to talk to a stranger at the Dairy Queen

Last night I had some time to gallivant around the countryside, but since it was approximately 12904 degrees outside I decided to gallivant around the Gap and its air conditioning instead. Grandma gave me a gift card last month, so I had motive. Anyway, I found an armful of clothes to try on and headed into the fitting room thinking the choice of which stuff to buy would be a hard decision. I don't want to get too over-dramatic here, but disaster ensued. The armholes of the shirts were too low, one dress highlighted my unwavering adoration for fried potatoes and chocolate chip cookies and snacks before bedtime (shout-out to my fave, chocolate milk and dry Cheerios!), the other dress grabbed me in such a way that it looked like one could serve salsa from my cavernous belly button, and the shorts were...well, they were passable, but I wasn't thrilled about them. I like my clothes to thrill me. Summary of paragraph: I exited the Gap feeling a little bit blue.

I had accidentally parked far from the store, so I started my mope back to the car. I passed by the Dairy Queen and noticed an elderly woman sitting alone with her ice cream sundae. I kept walking, and the Holy Spirit told me to go back and talk to her. I reminded the Holy Spirit of the current temperature and that it was getting late and that I felt tired. I generally just whined internally. The Holy Spirit told me to go back and talk to her. I told the Holy Spirit that I was already five stores away from her and the people behind me would think I'm weird if I did a sudden about face. The Holy Spirit told me to go back and talk to her. I actually rolled my eyes and sighed because sometimes I act like a third grader, and then I finally turned around. 

I smiled at the woman as I approached, and I asked her if I could join her on the bench. "Can you get me some napkins first?" she asked, gesturing inside the DQ. I grabbed some for her, then sat and briefly considered if the Lord just sent me there to save her from sticky hands. I mean, sticky hands are the worst. But that probably wasn't it.

"How are you this evening?" I asked, my heart racing. Talking to strangers isn't my forte. Luckily that was all she needed. I learned that my stranger turned 83 last month. She had raised five kids and worked the whole time too. She has nine grandkids, and 14 great-grandkids. She had lived in Anza since the 70s but moved to Lake Elsinore last week because she had a heart attack and almost died three weeks ago. She went to sleep feeling fine one night, then woke up from a phone call from a friend and discovered she was unable to get out of bed. He stayed on the phone with her until the ambulance came. She lives with a granddaughter now who is an RN. She believes in God and goes to a Bible study each week and was amused when I told her why I was sitting there. She has a son in Germany who wasn't able to come to her last birthday party, but she didn't sound bitter about that, it was just a fact. She got a call on her flip phone (flip phone!) while we sat, and she talked briefly with her daughter in Colorado and when they ended the conversation she said "I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck, dear. I love you." She just said that like it was something she says every day, which she probably does. 

We shook hands before I left, and she told me her name was Donna. I left our conversation feeling cheerful and energized for the walk back to the car. My attitude had completely flipped. Worrying about my belly and clothes and me-me-me suddenly seemed ridiculous. I had gone into that encounter wondering what God wanted me to do for Donna, but it turned out God wanted to bless me instead. BOOM. Awesome.

In conclusion, listen to the Holy Spirit* - every time I do, neat things happen. But maybe try complying without rolling your eyes and sighing first.  





*If you don't know who the heck the Holy Spirit is, or if you think this post makes me sound crazy, let me know and we can talk about it or email about it or carrier pigeon about it if you have one that we can both use. 

Magical Creature Land: Part 3

[continued from part 2, here]

Deep in the bottom of the sea, past coral and seaweed and many strange creatures, she found the Encantado’s cave. Yellow Grass was eager to help. She said the spell was etched into a stone buried with rocks in shallow water. If they could reach it before the tide came in, they might be able to find it.

Green Grass Sweet swam to the shore as fast as she could. Returning to her human form, she ran with Unicorn Purple Sky and dragon BeeBee to the spot Yllow Grass had specified. As the tide crept in, they furiously rummaged through the rocks.

“I found it!” cried Unicorn Purple Sky. “This is it!” The friends held hands and read the spell together with their toes in the rising water. The Unicorn fell into the water, at least returning to her selkie-seal form.

“Huzzah!” cried the friends.

“Farewell Beebee! We’ll see you again soon!” the two selkies cried as they swam out into the sea, towards the setting sun, laughing and splashing as they dove deep into the water.

The End

 . . . for now . . . 

© Reyes Family Productions

We hope you enjoyed our story Fazakerley girls! Maybe you could send us a story of your own! 

P.S. Happy Valentine's Day!

Magical Creature Land: Part 2

[part one of the story found here]

Green Grass Sweet scrambled to put on the selkie coat Unicorn Purple Sky threw to her, and race towards the sea as rain drops splashed on her head. But before she was close to the waters edge, Star Monsters began to dive to the ground, in between the friends and the water.

Green Grass Sweet ran left. Unicorn Purple Sky ran right and flapped her wings to distract the monsters. Beebee blew great flames as he ran close behind Green Grass Sweet, warding off the monsters coming towards her.

Green Grass Sweet narrowly escaped the monsters with the help of her friends. Scrambling to get her arm into the sleeves of her selkie coat as she ran, she dove into the water, just in the nick of time.

As the waves crashed over Green Grass Sweet, her human form melted away and she began to smoothly glide through the water with her new seal flippers. She twirled and soared through the water, enjoying her new form.

Eventually she remembered her friends and emerged at the surface to show them it had worked, she’d become a seal! “Hooray!” cried the unicorn and dragon. “Now you can help me to turn back into a selkie too! You must find my friend, Yellow Grass. She is an Encantado, a dolphin who turns human on land. She has not come to the surface in a long time, so I have not been able to ask her where the spell that can turn me back into a selkie is hidden. You must find her cave and get the clues! “I will do my best,” cried Green Grass Sweet, as she dove beneath the water again.

to be continued . . . 

Magical Creature Land

Dear Eiley and Margot,

Sofia, Daniel and I have lots of fun imagining and playing together. Recently, we developed this story about Magical Creature Land. We thought you might enjoy reading it or acting it out, so we're sharing it with you hear, in installments, so you can get excited to find out what will happen next. We hope you enjoy playing it as much as we did!

Love,
Sofia, Daniel and Zoe

Magical Creature Land:

Part 1

Once upon a time, there was a purple unicorn named Unicorn Purple Sky. She entered the land of humans, called Earth.

Unicorn Purple Sky had been born as a selkie (a human that becomes a seal in water), but a star monster did not like selkies, so it turned her into a unicorn. She missed her selkie life so much. She at least wanted to see a selkie.

She ran through the forests of earth until she was spotted by a kind young girl who befriended her. The young girl, Green Grass Sweet discovered her new friend was no ordinary horse, she was a unicorn!

Unicorn Purple Sky invited Green Grass Sweet into Magical Creature Land, where she was queen. She explained that in her land, she had the power to transform Green Grass Sweet into a selkie if she wished. Green Grass Sweet had always wanted to live in the sea, so she eagerly agreed.

Waving her wand, Unicorn Purple Sky brought them into Magical Creature Land. The sky was purple. The sea was black. The grass was yellow.

Selkies and unicorns fed on the yellow grass, which tasted like lemon. The grass helped the unicorns produce a healing tea that tasted like peach and was poured out of their horns.

Unicorn Purple Sky warned Green Grass Sweet of the star monsters before she entered the sea and became a selkie. They appeared as creature constellations in the night sky. But when it began to rain, the weight of the water brought the star monsters down, riding on rain drops.

Star monsters do not like selkies who can explore the sea freely while they are confined to the sky. So they try to catch selkies on land and trap them there by transforming them into unicorns, which they believe are more beautiful.

Unicorn Purple Sky suddenly stopped and became silent. Her horn also worked as a radio antennae, and when she heard a beautiful song come through to her head, she would flap her wings, amplifying the music, and begin to dance along. Green Grass Sweet also loved the music coming from her new friend’s wings, so she joined into the dance.

Out from the forest emerged a tiny adorable dragon, attracted by the music. Without a word, but with a great smile, he joined the dance as well. After all their delightful dancing, they took a rest and introduced themselves to each other. The dragon’s name was Beebee.

“I’m hungry after all that dancing!” cried Beebee. Knowing how much dragon’s love gold, Unicorn Purple Sky and Green Grass Sweet gathered together a picnic of yellow grass for themselves, golden cheddar crackers for Beebee, and healing peach tea from the alicorn, sweetened with golden honey for them all.

“Uh oh!” cried Unicorn Purple Sky. Drip. Drop. Drip. It was beginning to rain. In all the fun of their dancing, a picnic and new friend, they had forgotten about the danger of the star monsters.

To be continued . . . 

Movie Review Monday: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Here's the sixth installment of my six part series on the inner monologue of a 32 year old watching Star Wars for the first time. You can find the other installments here: Episode I, Episode II, Episode III, Episode IV, Episode V.

• This movie hasn't started yet, but I'm prepared for EWOKS!
• Why are there four dots on the ellipsis? (A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away....)
• *
• Man, these opening shots must have looked SO cool in the 70s. I mean, they look pretty cool now!**
• I'm having trouble transforming Hayden Christenson into someone who has James Earl Jones' voice.
• Whoa, someone is above Darth Vader in rank?
• I will call this an Oz gatekeeper robot. 
• I already like this movie WAY more than the others.
• Hog man!
• Snake tumor-head man!
• Is this just a planet of ugly? And that's why Jabba the Hutt is their leader?
• Is someone playing the pan pipes?!
• I think Jabba could be cute if he had a modicum of kindness in his heart.

  

  Eh, maybe not.

• If robots could faint, C3P0 would be flat on the ground by now.
• Oh. Ugly planet burlesque dancing. Shudder.
• This scene is SO WEIRD. I half expect emo-Toby-Spiderman to join in on this train wreck.
• Bye, green girl.
• Chewbacca! His hair looks terrible.
• I like that blue elephant Muppet.
• Lando! Thanks for tugging your disguise down just enough for us to see it's you. Subtle.
• I wonder how many actors have had to emerge from cryogenic hibernation. Now I feel like watching Demolition Man.
• Caught! You just HAD to make out a little before getting away.
• Aww! Chewie and Han are having a snuggle.
• Woo! Luke used the Force big time.
• I would not want my brother to see me in that outfit. Give Leia your glorified bath robe, Luke!
• Eeesh! That is one nasty monster.
• I wonder if that Hog man tasted like ham or human.
• Ah, the old "prop his mouth open with a bone" trick.
• Aw, that obese human is sad about losing his pet abomination.
• Are those nerfs? As in, nerf herder?
• Is R2D2 a waiter now?
• Wait, why did we have to wait until the last minute to make this move?
• Wilhelm scream!
• Take him down, Leia!
• This monster is like Tremors + Beetlejuice sand monster + Audrey 2. (If you understand all those references, then 20 points to your house!)
• Magnetic droid pick-up!
• Wow. The shape of the starfighter pasta in my Star Wars mac and cheese is really accurate.
• Oh, right. Emperor Palpatine is Darth Vader's master.
• Yoda!
• Holy cow, almost halfway through and no Ewoks.
• Someone should recreate these Yoda scenes with Miss Piggy.
• Oh, no. Don't die, Yoda.
• Yes, Luke. Darth Vader is your father. Keep up.
• Speak up, Yode. Can I call you Yode?
• Buster is snoring, which is appropriate for this particular scene.
• John Williams is really working his oboist. Or bassoonist?
• Yoda way overacted that death scene.
• Yoda disappeared like a Buffy vampire when he died!
• Obi Wan. You basically lied, don't try to justify that. "From a certain point of view." Psh.
• OH. He still doesn't know Leia's his sister? That's going to be awkward.
• Who's this Julie Andrews wannabe?
• Ackbar has REALLY big eyes.
• Aw, the gang is back together again. War is fun!
• Lando is going to blow up the Millennium Falcon, isn't he?
• How did Han learn to speak Wookie? And why doesn't he ever respond to Chewie in his native tongue?
• Palpatine's robe looks particularly cozy.
• "I will deal with them myself." The twins are SO busted.
• Jeff is not amused by me chanting "Ewoks! Ewoks!" at the screen.
• No Ewoks yet. Just Storm Troopers. Cool hover jet skis!
  
• Realistically, they should have run into 357 trees by now. Aside from that, this is AWESOME.
• EWOK.
• Why does she think she's stuck? Because of the teddy bear with the blunt spear?
• Woo! Ewok with the assist!
• Darth Vader said penetrated, and I didn't like it.
• Yo, Palpatine. I foresee that you're WRONG.
• Trap triggered!
• Whoa. Chief Ewok is NOT adorable. Also, now I have the Wizard of Oz Munchkin song in my head. "Come out, come out wherever you are..."
• Are they worshiping C3P0?
• I like Ewok music. And their treehouse land. And I hope someone yells Rufio.
• Holy cow. Baby Ewok is cute.
• The Ewoks did Leia's hair?
• This movie has a lot of Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewie joyfully reuniting.
• Story time with C3P0.
• "She died when I was very young." Uh. You were JUST born. Oh, she means her adoptive mom.
• "Somehow...I've always known." No, you have not! Puh-LEASE, Leia! Did you know when you were kissing?! Because ew.
• Han's jealous of Luke's relationship with Leia. Boy, he's going to feel sheepish.
• "Hold me." Gag ME.
• Vader's ship looks like the hand of an evil scientist as he strokes his goatee when it's landing.
• Hey, dad.
• I definitely see why it was recommended to watch the prequels before this. This scene is much richer in meaning with the back story. No sarcasm, serious comment.
• This distraction Ewok is having SO MUCH FUN.
• I've always thought Vader was this big, ultimate bad guy, but Palpatine's WAY worse than him! Why isn't he more famous? Is it that he's pure evil and has no layers? Or is it because it's not as easy to dress like him?  
• How can anyone not love the Ewoks? Little dudes completes save the day.
• There have been no solid light saber fights in this film.
• I like when R2 screams like a girl.
• Did that Ewok die?! I feel genuinely sad about this!
• I wish Luke would chop off Palpatine's head. Is that not an option?
• Mark Hamill has the body of a preteen female gymnast.
• YOU will meet your destiny.
• Harrison Ford: Master of the cocky shrug.
• Aw, Lukey is playing hide-and-seek with Daddy.
• This light saber fight is satisfying.
• Force lightning! Or something! That's cheating, fight like a Jedi!
• Oh, snap. Daddy saved you.
• Lando just got a scratch on the Millennium Falcon!
• Holy cow. This scene with Luke and Vader is touching. Imperial Death March plucked gently on a stringed instrument reinforces my feelings!
• No, Han, you don't understand.
• Do they get to keep that Ewok as a pet? Sorry, is that an offensive question?
• Burning plastic is really bad for the environment, Luke.
• Celebrate! The whole galaxy!
• What happens with the remaining Storm Troopers?
• OH MY, they added Hayden's ghost to this. LAME.

In conclusion, I liked this one the best out of Episodes I-VI. Probably because of the Ewoks.

*I'm going to be mature and not mention the terrible scrolly exposition this time. Very mature.

**I'm realizing that we watched the digitally altered version, so the opening shot might possibly have been tampered with. I have no idea though.