Monday, January 26, 2015

Movie Review Monday: Star Wars Episode II: The Clone Wars

Here's the fourth installment of my six part series on the inner monologue of a 31 year-old watching the Star Wars films for the first time ever:

  • Well, hello scrolly exposition. I knew I'd see you again.
  • Dooku is a funny name.
  • Senator. Count. Queen. I feel like we're mixing governments here.
  • I like that shiny spaceship.
  • Well, maybe there's SOME danger.
  • Whoa that chick just had the most abrupt death scene ever.
  • I'm so confused already. Wasn't Natalie a Queen before? Did she get demoted?
  • Aw geez. Jar Jar.
  • What the Rose Byrne?
  • Why hasn't Yoda learned proper English syntax? And what was his first language?
  • What happened to Hayden Christenson?
  • "I haven't seen Amidala in years, Master...and I'm totally crushing."
  • Why hasn't Amidala aged?
  • Annie is a prideful little Jedi.
  • She didn't forget you completely. She knew your name, Annie. Did you want her to swoon or something?
  • That strapless eye patch is stylin'.
  • Can you sense that Amidala is eavesdropping, hotshot?
  • Whoa, Annie isn't tiptoeing around his crush. "She's intoxicating." Calm down, dude.
  • Ew. Millipede wormy things.
  • Locate them, R2D2!
  • Safe!
  • Ewan diving out the window! What's the plan here, Ewan?!
  • Ugh. It's Jedis like him who cause rush hour traffic.
  • Shot down! Somehow I'm not at all worried for him.
  • Yep, Annie caught him.
  • Annie is NUTS. 
  • Electrocution? No big deal. 
  • "What's the point of this?" - Erik. Amen, Erik. Amen.
  • Man, Jedis LOVE jumping out of things.
  • I'm really growing to love the "pyew! pyew! pyew!" blaster sound effect.
  • Is a Jedi's light saber like a wizard's wand in that it's specific to its owner?
  • Now they're just running. That seems beneath them somehow.
  • Are Ewan's eyes really that green?
  • Ooo Jedi therapist - "go home and rethink your life."
  • Did he just cut off her arm?!
  • Does the light saber cauterize the wound automatically?
  • Diagonal fade!
  • That's a cute hover chair, Yoda.
  • Annie has too much pressure and too much power.
  • Ha. Amidala: "Jar Jar - I don't wish to hold you up." That was a diplomatic way of telling him to shut up.
  • Whoa, Annie went from "He's a good master, don't get me wrong" to pouting and ranting like a petulant child.
  • More like "Please don't LEER at me like that," am I right?
  • Jedi poncho!
  • I like this amiable diner alien.
  • Robot waitress looks exactly like Rosie from the Jetsons.

  • Fun fact: My eighth grade Algebra teacher was Mr. Parsek.
  • Coolest. Library. Ever.
  • Oh, Yoda. Making jokes about losing a planet. You're hilarious.
  • OH. Explanation of not being Queen anymore. Thanks, guys.
  • Are they bickering in front of the current Queen? Awkward.
  • I briefly just wondered where Captain Eo fits in with all this.
  • Super long neck Camino alien is lovely!
  • Oh, come on, Amidala. You are totally crushing back.
  • What if he's using his Jedi mind powers to make her kiss him?! That cad!
  • Clones!
  • When did she costume change? I liked her Xanadu dress; now she's all hippie.
  • The hills are aliiiiive with the sound chemistry!
  • Oh no, he fell off the giant potato cow!
  • They are literally rolling around in the grass.
  • Kid, that's not your dad...he's your...your...what do you call the relationship between you and your young clone?
  • This scene is tense and I have NO idea what's happening.
  • Uh-oh. Firelight and a heaving bosom. Just get this over with.
  • Homeboy is SO CLINGY. He just keeps talking! No, you're tormenting US, Annie.
  • "I wish that I could wish away..." Well, that seems like lazy writing.
  • Are Jedi robes waterproof?
  • If Amidala really wanted to stop this relationship, she wouldn't wear that.
  • That's some awesome jumpkicking, Ewan!
  • Why is he always falling?
  • Those blue charges are AWESOME.
  • I would love to know how they created all these sound effects. 
  • Just shoot out some spare parts and that will solve it. How anticlimactic.
  • 30 men went looking for your mom already, but sure - you have a go at it too.
  • The Count looks like the "He chose...poorly" knight from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
  • Poor Mama! Now that was a proper death scene.
  • Oh, he's raging.
  • Ooo...Imperial Death March subtly playing as Yoda talks about Anakin.
  • Anakin's not available right now, Ewan.
  • Where does Amidala store all these giant clothes that she wears?
  • Single-handed genocide of the Tuskans. Tsk, tsk.
  • Amidala is so sassy.
  • I am SO sleepy.
  • Darth Sidious. The Sith. Why does everything sound vaguely like an STD?
  • Holy cow. Will we have to sit through an actual clone war still?! Interminable film!
  • Alien robowasp attack! 
  • Padme would win everything on that show Wipeout!
  • R2 is so much smarter than C3P0.
  • Decapitated C3P0!
  • How is her outfit still so white?!
  • "I truly...deeply..." - Amidala "...madly?" - Erik
  • Uf. That is an ugly language.
  • Ah, another unnecessary alien monster parade. George Lucas is just showing off.
  • Can't they just Jedi fly away from this arena?
  • I think Amidala just got scratched so we could see some midriff.
  • Oh, please. We did not have time for that smooch.
  • I'm fairly impressed by the lack of chemistry between Annie and Amidala. It's like watching two marionettes pretend to be in love.
  • GET IT, Samuel L!
  • Decapitated Fett!
  • They are flirting on the battlefield. Flirting.
  • "This is such a drag." GROAN.
  • Yoda and a clone army! Just in the nick of time!
  • War. Fighting. Explosions. Etc, etc.
  • Death Star schematics!
  • That is the least manly vehicle ever, Count. It looks like a hover Vespa.
  • I wish Natalie would put a whole shirt on. I'm trying to enjoy ice cream and she's making me want to do sit-ups instead.
  • I'm expecting a big fight from the Count. OH, SNAP. He did not disappoint.
  • Double light saber!
  • Back down to one!
  • Arm cut off!
  • That is one angry Muppet.
  • How does everyone keep saying Dooku without giggling?!
  • Bahahahaha this is the most adorable light saber fight ever.

  • I knew that dude was bad.
  • "Begun the Clone War has." Dear Lord, I hope it's actually the end of this film though. I need to go to bed.
  • Mawwiage. Pretty dress! Pretty lame kiss!

  • He's smiling and she looks like "what have I done?"

In conclusion, this movie was long, tedious, confusing, and lacked the endearing qualities of the original two that I've seen. Oh, hey, that was my conclusion from Episode I as well. I did thoroughly enjoy the fight between Dooku and Yoda though - it almost made it worth watching. Almost. Also, I now understand why we haven't seen much of Hayden Christenson, bless his heart. Perfect teeth will only get you so far in Hollywood. 

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Easter People Devotionals Day 23

For an explanation of this series, click here. To see a collection of all the Devotionals in the series so far, click here.

Day 23: An Easter People Devotional for Epiphany
Surely God is With us | Rich Mullins 1865

Well, who's that man who thinks He's a prophet?
Well, I wonder if He's got something up His sleeve
Where's He from?
Who is His daddy?
There's rumors He even thinks Himself a king
Of a kingdom of paupers
Simpletons and rogues
The whores all seem to love Him
And the drunks propose a toast
And they say, "Surely God is with us.
Well, surely God is with us."
They say, "Surely God is with us today!"
Who's that man who says He's a preacher?
Well, He must be, He's disturbing all our peace
Where's He get off, and what is He hiding
And every word He says those fools believe
Who could move a mountain
Who would love their enemy
Who could rejoice in pain
And turn the other cheek
And still say, "Surely God is with us, Well, surely God is with us, "
Who'll say, "Surely God is with us today, today!"
They say, "Surely God is with us Well, surely God is with us"
They say, "Surely God is with us"
Blessed are the poor in spirit
Heaven belongs to them Blessed are those who make peace
They are God's children I Am the Bread of Life, and the Way"
You hear that Man, believe what He says!
Tell me, who's that Man, they made Him a prisoner
They tortured Him and nailed Him to a tree
Well if He's so bad, who did He threaten?
Did He deserve to die between two thieves?
See the scars and touch His wounds
He's risen flesh and bone
Now the sinners have become the saints
And the lost have all come home
And they say, "Surely God is with us (Surely God is with us)
Well, surely God is with us,