Difficult Questions

Geoffrey Hsu catapulted me into an existential crisis. Ok, to be fair, this kind of happens alot. But not knowing me well when I informed him of the fact, he was concerned.

Geoff had been a guest speaker at a lecture series I was attending. On the morning that triggered my crisis, he was speaking about vocation. He challenged us to evaluate how has God called us to help bring about the Kingdom of God on earth. I liked what he was saying. I did not like my inability to answer his challenge. I couldn't quite figure out what this was supposed to mean for me as a mother.

There’s a sense in which I was asking the same question that millions of mom’s have been asking, especially since the feminist movement. How do I balance who I am free to be now as a woman, with my desire to love and care for my child? Is my work of caring for my child valuable? Is it valued? Do I stay home and miss using my gifts? Do I work (for pay or for the "Kingdom") and miss watching my child grow up? Do I let my graduate degree go to waste? Do I still have my own identity, or am I just "baby's mom"? Am I a horrible mother for even thinking about these questions? Thousands of people have built whole careers off the guilt and turmoil women feel under the pressure of all of these questions.

Some good answers I’ve heard over the years are things like:

“Even though you don’t get paid, being a mom is an important job too.” I agree, but I might say that this statement opens up more cans of worms rather than offering good closure, for me at least. 

“You can be a better mother to your child when you allow the gifts and talents you’ve been given to flow through you.” Yes, I believe that.

“Having a child actually opens doors for you to minister to a whole new crowd of people, like fellow moms.” True, I’ve seen Sofia allow me to love people more, rather than take my love away from people, as I’d expected. Great.

My dad, who speaks in pictures, not words, sent me a picture of my daughter, asking, “Are you still wondering whether there’s purpose in what you’re doing?” Hard to argue with that, but honestly, I was.

Despite preparing myself with answers like these, when Geoff spoke, I could not be satisfied.

Tell me, am I alone in this Lobsters? Even if you’re not a mom, do you wonder about the questions modern womanhood and parenthood present for how our children are raised or how our women AND men define their identity? What are some of the other questions you’ve struggled with in this arena that I haven’t referenced? What are some of the satisfying or unsatisfying answers you’ve heard?

More on how my saga continues, tomorrow . . .