Thursday, June 2, 2011

Surprised by sadness





I was not excited about this year as I entered into it. It took some convincing to get me on board with the idea of my husband doing a post-doctoral appointment before settling into a tenure track position. But then he got offers for both, which meant the three years we’d planned on spending in one place got abbreviated to one, before moving onto a longer term post. Less than one year in a place is not much, especially when you’re having your first baby in the middle of that year.

One year is especially not much for a married couple of introverts. We’re slow to warm up to people. I knew I was going to need a community of support when I had my baby, and I had no idea how that was going to come together. I was putting all my eggs in the basket of the one family of friends we had in San Diego, a family of four kids and consequently a very busy schedule.

Being what it was, I did what I could do. We visited our one family of friends often. When another friend who was really just barely more than an acquaintance moved down from Berkeley shortly after us, I clung to her and took advantage of any time she could spare to spend with me. We curtailed our church shopping to plug into a community faster. But still, my new friend was bound to find a job to take up her time eventually, and when we met people at church we would often hear, “Oh, you’re those people who are leaving in less than a year, I heard about you.”

It wasn’t looking good, so I settled into the year, thinking of it as a 12-month long vacation in a sunny beach town. Now that our time here is running out, I’ve found that the weather in San Diego is not as idyllic as I’d expected, I’ve hardly set foot on the beach more than a few times, and I actually have people I’m going to miss when we leave.

Sure enough, my acquaintance has found work, but only after I got spoiled by taking weekly walks with her. She’s become a dear friend, I miss her, and I’m really sad I can’t take her with me to Maine. We figured the church we found would just be a place to attend on Sunday mornings, but they’ve folded us into their community, gotten us passionate about their mission, involved us in their efforts to renew the city around them. The other night, a member of our community group actually told us he would miss us when we left. I was stunned. And I’ve found so many other friends. Women from a Beth Moore bible study, partners in community development in City-Heights, mental health advocates around the city. People I’ve come to respect and love deeply. They touched my life and shaped me, in such a short period of time. I can’t believe it, but I’m going to be sad to leave this town and all the people that have come to mean a great deal to me. I guess I’ve added a whole new package of long-distance friends to my collection. Thank you San Diego. 

Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold . . . 

Lobsters, have you ever been pleasantly surprised to be sad to leave a place?

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