Lobstering: The Social Animal

If this whole blog is about cultivating long distance friendships, and/or strengthening relationships, might we, in this context, refer to "putting intentional effort into our relationships, be they near or far" as "Lobstering"? eh? What do you say? I think it'll become a thing. 


So I recently finished reading an awesome book called The Social Animal by David Brooks. I really try to be open minded about what I read, and no matter how I feel at the start of a book, I really push myself to finish it to give it a fair try - holding out hope for those bad ones that there will be a redeeming twist at the end. Sometimes, I'm better off just letting the book go, telling it, "I just want to be friends." Other times, I really don't agree with all that the book has to say or all that it purports, but overall, I might find it sufficiently edifying or at least thought provoking that I am still likely to recommend it to the right person who might also appreciate it. In other words, I actually do want to be "friends" with those books. VERY very rarely, (or ever?) do I come across I book that does not include a disclaimer, "I don't necessarily like everything s/he has to say, but . . ." I simply can NOT find such a complaint about The Social Animal. It does not start off too slow, it does not end poorly, and I don't think I can disagree with him on any idea he seems to be trying to promote. I think I have found a book with whom I am no longer content to just be friends. I am in love. Consider me stunned.


In this quasi-novel, Brooks is pulling together lots of neuroscience research he finds interesting into the form of a story about two people who manage to have a happy life. I love stories, I love research-digests. Win. win. Throughout the story, he manages to touch on romance, extended adolescence [apparently this is now a life stage called "odyssey"], parenting, vocation discernment, politics, fidelity, morality, learning, nature, religion, creative processes, memory, living the good life, and the integration of the subconscious with reason, all topics I'm regularly energized by. He also, by the way, put forth his own interesting explanations about adults being single into later stages of life, a topic I obviously ponder on a bit (see pages 188-189 of the book for yourself). 


A few of the big take-away's for me were:


1) How much neuroscience is now reinforcing the more feminist viewpoint that who we are and the quality of how we live is strongly determined by the number and health of the relationships we maintain. Furthermore, that I am living in a life stage and era where this is particularly difficult due to our transitory generation:


“Cities have become the career dressing rooms for young adults. They have become the place where people go in their twenties to try on different identities. Then, once they know who they are, they leave. Thirty-eight percent of young Americans say they would like to live in Los Angeles, but only eight percent of older Americans would. Harold’s friends would show up in San Francisco one year and then Washington, D.C., the next. Everything changed except their email addresses.” (p. 188)


2) Martin Luther was right when he said that "Reason is a whore." We can manipulate logic and even science to produce whatever point we want to come out with. Without something more than reason, without acknowledging the power, importance, and value of morality and our emotions, we can not live life fully and our communities will be diminished. Here's a quote I loved:



[p. 286]


3) The questions we ask and the memories we make are going to be the key things that give our lives value as we look back on them.  Here's a great snip-bit along those lines:



[p. 364]


If you have or do check[ed] the book out for yourself, I'd love to know your thoughts. I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes, the sentences that speak most clearly to the importance of "Lobstering," my Lobsters.

I give The Social Animal by David Brooks a hearty two claws up!