I love my Eiley Grace. She is beautiful and does cute things with her hands like thrusting them in the air after she eats (obviously thinking "VICTORY!") or rubbing them together (obviously plotting world domination) and her toes are fascinating and when she yawns it's the most adorable thing anyone has ever done and her cheeks are so wonderful that I have, on the occasion, been unable to resist chewing on them. Just a little though. I never leave marks.
But I tend to notice all of those things when she's asleep. When she's awake, it's a whole different game.
It took about two weeks for her to figure out how to latch. Both of us would get so frustrated that I spent all of my time either wrestling with her or dreading the next wrestling match and she would start to cry the instant I brought her to my chest. I don't know how we finally figured it out, to be honest. I think the Lord just decided to have mercy on us.
I'm mostly not good at comforting her either. Last week we spent an afternoon crying together, then Jeff got home from work and calmed her down within minutes. I'd like to think she was about to stop crying anyway, that I loosened the jar of silence before he pried it open. Who knows. I'm getting better at this though. Finding tricks to calm her down which generally involve a lot of bobbing her up and down. My arms are getting ripped. Luckily she doesn't cry a ton.
Finally, baby equipment doesn't come naturally to me. The Moby wrap was like a fabric jigsaw puzzle the first time I used it. The car seat buckles were complicated and twisty. And if anyone in the MacArthur Center parking lot saw me getting the stroller out of the car on Sunday, I hope you enjoyed the show. Yes, I did lay Eiley down in the trunk of the car while I figured that ish out. Ridiculous.
The good news is that I am learning. It's not coming easily and I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to work at home while she's here starting in a few weeks, but I'm learning and I'm 67% sure I'll figure it all out. In the meantime, I'll just focus on this precious mug and everything will seem fine.
Emily, I relate to almost everything in this post, right down to wrangling that darn Moby wrap! You're doing great, and it's obvious that you love Eiley so much. One thing that comforts me sometimes is that studies have shown that the most important factor in how kids turn out is that they feel loved and wanted--and Eiley clearly is, so no matter what, you're on the right track. (This comforts me when I feel absolutely stupid for knowing so little about being a mom...I'm sure I'll figure more stuff out as I go along.)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, keep on keeping on, good Mama! I'll be thinking of you!
Emily, thank you for the honest nature of this post. I feel you. There is no way to get a stroller in and out of a car while looking like you know what you're doing. Nursing takes so much work. I remember crying once as we finished nursing just because I knew we would be doing it again SO SOON. As for the comforting, bouncing him on a yoga/exercise ball was my saving grace. Also good for the abs! As for motherhood in general, I feel like my motherhood is always effortful, not effortless. So you are not alone there. Lots of love...
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