Tired.

I was so very very tired. With some nights where Sofia was up on average every fifteen minutes, and a stretch where she was up 2-5 times for a couple weeks in a row, I hadn't caught a break. I was totally broken. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Open, raw, and fairly brain dead. The weeks before when I actively pursuing each day as opportunities to foster Sofia's development felt like a confusing foggy memory, perhaps just a hazy glimpse into someone else's life. Enriching development was beyond my reach, it was now just a matter of keeping my head above water, at least for most of the day. By this point, if I got past 4pm without having to call Manny in desperation to come home to make sure we all survived, I considered the day a success.

My two saving graces were 1) getting outside, where nature did the entertaining of Sofia for me and 2) reading books, where someone else gave me words to get from one moment to the next. We resorted to both of these activities often. But with so many dangerous objects outside that Sofia loves to shove into her mouth, outside eventually becomes too exhausting, especially when there's snow, so the children's books in our house got some mighty good mileage.

One of my favorites to return to over and over again is The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name. A children's bible is supposed to just be filled with all those familiar stories that you want to pass on to your young children. And sure enough one afternoon, I found myself reading to Sofia the story of the children coming to Jesus (from Matthew 19). And you know what stuck out to me in that moment, where I could barely keep my eyes open, and it was like plowing through sludge to move from one moment to the next? It's not in the gospels, but the way this author tells it, the disciples rebuke the people who let the children get close because Jesus is busy and TIRED. And of course! He must have been tired, traveling all around, people coming at Him from every angle trying to challenge Him with tricky questions, asking for so much from Him, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Ok, maybe in reality, He was or He wasn't. I can't say or know. But as I read that story, I felt like God showed me that statistically speaking, an adult in a child's presence is probably a bit exhausted. Children = tired adults. And in that way, tired as all get out, Jesus received and loved children. And in that same way, I can receive my little Sofia and love her too.

Snuggle up little one, time for another story.