Be Still

Quiz: what’s one universal challenge new parents face with a new baby? Yay! You guessed it: sleep.

Amazon has no shortage of books about getting babies to sleep (421 results last I checked). In other words, getting babies to sleep is hard. Sure I knew this before my baby was born, but I didn’t know! When I go to sleep, I cozy up in the sheets, put my head on my pillow, and I’m out.

My little Sofia falls asleep while she’s eating. I walk as gracefully as I possibly can to her crib. Ever so gently, I lower her down. BAM, her arms flail out, her head kicks up, her feet spaz in outwardly directions, her eyes startle open with fear, her little mouth is instantly drawn out as if to gasp anxiously. As quickly as she awakes, a delighted little beam shines forth from her face and she is ready to play – not sleep. Cute right? Super cute. Super frustrating.    

Tonight, as I lowered her into her crib, and she startled awake, I placed my hand on her little chest, helping her to be still. In about one, maybe two seconds, her heart beat slowed from a million beats per minute to a nice steady rhythm, her eyelids slowly eased back down, her head relaxed, and she was out. [it’s not always this easy]

She was sleepy all along. She was safe all along. I was never going to let her fall. But she took control for herself and reacted unnecessarily to a simple situation with unhelpful anxiety. Hmmmm . . . . sound familiar? If you’ve ever spent much time observing my life it should be, maybe yours too. Sofia can’t help it, she’s a baby, it’s a natural reflex.

One time in particular, I was overwhelmed with distress. Up late at night, circling around and around upsetting thoughts. A friend of mine, not a Christian at the time by the way, let me vent and then shared this verse with me:

“Be still and know that I am God” [Psalm 46:10 NIV]

It brought me incredible peace. When I am overwhelmed by anxiety, it’s a verse I try to remember. Anxiety can be very real, very physical, and require a lot support and treatment. But this is a good first step for me.

Until tonight, I’d never quite thought about how this looks from God’s perspective. He’s got me in His hands, He knows my needs, He’s keeping me safe, and still, I startle and flee from the very peace I want and He desires for me. This is a failure on my part to know and worship God as He truly is. Once I remember who He is, we [and maybe some friends or even a counselor] might have some more work to do together to deal with the problem at hand, but like I said, it’s a good first step towards peace.

For Sofia, this is what it looks like to wake up from a peaceful night of rest:

Yep. Super cute.