a tiger, an imaginary armadillo, and balloon poop

Once upon a time (and by that I mean today), Arabella came to town from New Jersey to keep me company and help with Eiley while Jeff was out of town. To celebrate her safe arrival, I took her to Texas Roadhouse. It ended up being the weirdest dining experience of my recent life. Proof:


1. Our waitress was in a foul mood. When we sat down, she started apologizing profusely for the table not being wiped, which we hadn't even noticed, and muttered something about the hostesses being bad at their jobs. She then suggested a bunch of different drink options, looking like she was might cry the whole time she rattled off the list. 


2. There was a group of eight older women at the table next to ours celebrating a birthday. They asked their waitress to take their picture, and in order to get the full shot, she sat down and scooted next to me in my booth.


3. Arabella put a napkin on Eiley's head and Eiley left it there for several minutes. She looked like a mini flying nun, and the aforementioned older ladies apparently thought it was the cutest thing they'd ever seen. Ever. One of them grabbed our grumpy waitress's arm as she was walking by and emphatically reprimanded her, "You need to stop, and appreciate, the cuteness of that baby right there." 


4. We were there on Kid's Night, which we didn't know existed. A balloon artist came by the older ladies' table and offered to make the birthday girl a balloon animal. He didn't mention what he was making as he pulled out a brown balloon and started twisting it into thick knots. They all start giggling, and one said "I don't know where he's going with this, but the brown balloon makes me think it's not going to be good." She thought it would be poop. It was a monkey. 


5. Balloon Guy came to our table. He asked if we'd seen the giant armadillo wandering around. We hadn't. We later heard him ask another table if they'd seen the giant armadillo. They hadn't either. We searched the restaurant for the giant armadillo before leaving, and it was no where to be found. Therefore, Balloon Guy clearly had an imaginary giant armadillo.

Balloon Guy made this "dog" for Eiley. Arabella found it suspicious.

6. Balloon Guy informed us that summer is not a good season to take balloons outside. With the confidence of a college professor lecturing a class, he told us, "Don't even waste your time waiting in line for a balloon during the summer if you're outside. That thing will not last." Noted.


7. While Balloon Guy stood next to us, a child approached and asked him to fix her balloon. Her face was painted to look like a tiger, though it also kind of looked like she'd recently taken part in some kind of disturbing tribal war ceremony.


8. By the end of the evening, our grumpy waitress had turned into just a slightly awkward waitress. She admitted that she had been telling all her co-workers to come see the cute baby at our table. She then noticed that Arabella was feeding Eiley sweet potato with a fork and she practically Dobbied herself for not bringing a spoon for the baby.


9. The rolls were not warm, pillowy pockets of deliciousness. If you've ever been to Texas Roadhouse, you know that this is also super weird. And if you know me, you know that this point is only being made to keep the list odd.


In conclusion, I found the evening exceedingly entertaining and gave a generous tip to thank slightly awkward waitress for the dinner and theater.