I can be a rather awkward person at times. For example, if I'm in a large group of people who I don't know well, I will either get completely silent or I'll start telling a bunch of really lame jokes. Either way, not good. For another example, a few weeks ago I pronounced "soldering" phonetically in an admissions committee meeting. Reading is hard. I don't find my awkwardidity humiliating or anything, but I can think of three times I felt truly embarrassed in recent memory. I'm going to bare those to you in the hopes that you all will comment with your woeful stories too.
1. The first time I went to the doctor after I got pregnant, I didn't know that they were going to ask for a urine sample. I arrived not fully hydrated, and I had peed before we left the house, so I couldn't squeeze out nearly enough for them to test whatever it is they're testing there. Mortified both because I couldn't do that simple task and because I couldn't stop openly weeping, I left the bathroom and told a nurse my little predicament. She looked at me like I was a sad little bunny, gave me some water, and told me to try again later. It was so not a big deal, but it felt like the end of the world in that moment.
2. I worked in Graduate Admissions at Vanguard University. We were trying some new and interesting ways to market our programs, putting signs on inanimate objects and including cute little catchphrases. For example, we put a sign on the light posts around campus that said something about being a light unto the world for Graduate Religion. I think we did a similar thing near the salt in the Dining Commons. And I also put up signs on the vending machines to advertise Graduate Psychology. Oh man, this is so embarrassing because I honestly don't know what I was thinking. My office had brainstormed a bunch of these different signs, and I think we had joked about this one but I somehow ended up writing it and then printing it. Apparently my sensitivity and empathy had taken the day off, and that's why "Do you like nuts? Check out Graduate Psychology." was posted on those vending machines. That's also why we received a stern (yet more gracious than I deserved) email from the Dean of that department asking us to please remove those signs. Epic fail. I had implied that mentally ill people are the only ones who seek counseling, and that's just not true. Plus "nuts" is not the nicest way to say mentally ill. So embarrassing.
3. But the most embarrassing of them all happened my senior year of college. I was in the Gospel Choir, and I decided to audition for the smaller group within the choir - kind of the elite version of it. The audition was simple - one verse of "Amazing Grace." This would have been no problem, except I had been listening to Destiny's Child's "Outro" on repeat for weeks, so Beyonce's version of the song was ingrained in my brain. I'll wait while you listen to that on youtube...
Okay, so I obviously completely bombed the audition. I messed up the riff that she does (again, obviously), and just hacked that song to bits. This was mildly embarrassing. The more embarrassing moment was after I finished, when this happened:
"Wow. Sorry about that." - me
"Oh, no. That was goooood." - girl running audition, talking to me like I am in kindergarten
"Oh, gosh, no. I am aware that was terrible." - me, so not fishing for compliments
"Oh, no. That was just loooovely." girl running audition, talking to me like I am in preschool
(Sigh.) - me, exiting the premises
So awesome.
Thanks for the laughs :-)
ReplyDeleteOK, so I'm the worship leader at our church, and it's Easter. The church is full, and we're fully rehearsed. We are going to play a version of Keith Green's "The Easter Song" ("Hear the bells ringing, they're singing that you can be born again..."), and it's going to give the congregation goosebumps as they sing it. I'll start the song with acoustic guitar, then, as the second verse starts, in will swoop electric guitar, drums, bass, organ, and keyboard... and goosebumps. The only problem was that I was supposed to be using a capo, which would take my guitar up a half-step, and I had forgotten to put it on, making the rest of the instruments a half-step off of me (or vice-versa). I realized my mistake halfway through the first verse, but had no way to communicate to the others, other than throwing them horrified looks. Luckily (graciously?), our organ player caught on and modulated to my key, playing loudly enough (I think) to drown out the rest until they figured it out. I apologized for weeks... and now I always double-check when I use my capo.
ReplyDeleteI laughed out loud at the nuts. A slightly embarrassing moment for me occurred in recent history when I very nearly swore loudly in front of the whole staff at VU. We were asked if anyone could quote Cool Runnings and, seeing as how it is a favorite of mine, I burst out with: "I see pride, I see power, I see a bad a...." I caught those fussy little words and bleeped myself, but I think people still judge me.
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