Movie Review Monday: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Here's the sixth installment of my six part series on the inner monologue of a 32 year old watching Star Wars for the first time. You can find the other installments here: Episode I, Episode II, Episode III, Episode IV, Episode V.

• This movie hasn't started yet, but I'm prepared for EWOKS!
• Why are there four dots on the ellipsis? (A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away....)
• *
• Man, these opening shots must have looked SO cool in the 70s. I mean, they look pretty cool now!**
• I'm having trouble transforming Hayden Christenson into someone who has James Earl Jones' voice.
• Whoa, someone is above Darth Vader in rank?
• I will call this an Oz gatekeeper robot. 
• I already like this movie WAY more than the others.
• Hog man!
• Snake tumor-head man!
• Is this just a planet of ugly? And that's why Jabba the Hutt is their leader?
• Is someone playing the pan pipes?!
• I think Jabba could be cute if he had a modicum of kindness in his heart.

  

  Eh, maybe not.

• If robots could faint, C3P0 would be flat on the ground by now.
• Oh. Ugly planet burlesque dancing. Shudder.
• This scene is SO WEIRD. I half expect emo-Toby-Spiderman to join in on this train wreck.
• Bye, green girl.
• Chewbacca! His hair looks terrible.
• I like that blue elephant Muppet.
• Lando! Thanks for tugging your disguise down just enough for us to see it's you. Subtle.
• I wonder how many actors have had to emerge from cryogenic hibernation. Now I feel like watching Demolition Man.
• Caught! You just HAD to make out a little before getting away.
• Aww! Chewie and Han are having a snuggle.
• Woo! Luke used the Force big time.
• I would not want my brother to see me in that outfit. Give Leia your glorified bath robe, Luke!
• Eeesh! That is one nasty monster.
• I wonder if that Hog man tasted like ham or human.
• Ah, the old "prop his mouth open with a bone" trick.
• Aw, that obese human is sad about losing his pet abomination.
• Are those nerfs? As in, nerf herder?
• Is R2D2 a waiter now?
• Wait, why did we have to wait until the last minute to make this move?
• Wilhelm scream!
• Take him down, Leia!
• This monster is like Tremors + Beetlejuice sand monster + Audrey 2. (If you understand all those references, then 20 points to your house!)
• Magnetic droid pick-up!
• Wow. The shape of the starfighter pasta in my Star Wars mac and cheese is really accurate.
• Oh, right. Emperor Palpatine is Darth Vader's master.
• Yoda!
• Holy cow, almost halfway through and no Ewoks.
• Someone should recreate these Yoda scenes with Miss Piggy.
• Oh, no. Don't die, Yoda.
• Yes, Luke. Darth Vader is your father. Keep up.
• Speak up, Yode. Can I call you Yode?
• Buster is snoring, which is appropriate for this particular scene.
• John Williams is really working his oboist. Or bassoonist?
• Yoda way overacted that death scene.
• Yoda disappeared like a Buffy vampire when he died!
• Obi Wan. You basically lied, don't try to justify that. "From a certain point of view." Psh.
• OH. He still doesn't know Leia's his sister? That's going to be awkward.
• Who's this Julie Andrews wannabe?
• Ackbar has REALLY big eyes.
• Aw, the gang is back together again. War is fun!
• Lando is going to blow up the Millennium Falcon, isn't he?
• How did Han learn to speak Wookie? And why doesn't he ever respond to Chewie in his native tongue?
• Palpatine's robe looks particularly cozy.
• "I will deal with them myself." The twins are SO busted.
• Jeff is not amused by me chanting "Ewoks! Ewoks!" at the screen.
• No Ewoks yet. Just Storm Troopers. Cool hover jet skis!
  
• Realistically, they should have run into 357 trees by now. Aside from that, this is AWESOME.
• EWOK.
• Why does she think she's stuck? Because of the teddy bear with the blunt spear?
• Woo! Ewok with the assist!
• Darth Vader said penetrated, and I didn't like it.
• Yo, Palpatine. I foresee that you're WRONG.
• Trap triggered!
• Whoa. Chief Ewok is NOT adorable. Also, now I have the Wizard of Oz Munchkin song in my head. "Come out, come out wherever you are..."
• Are they worshiping C3P0?
• I like Ewok music. And their treehouse land. And I hope someone yells Rufio.
• Holy cow. Baby Ewok is cute.
• The Ewoks did Leia's hair?
• This movie has a lot of Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewie joyfully reuniting.
• Story time with C3P0.
• "She died when I was very young." Uh. You were JUST born. Oh, she means her adoptive mom.
• "Somehow...I've always known." No, you have not! Puh-LEASE, Leia! Did you know when you were kissing?! Because ew.
• Han's jealous of Luke's relationship with Leia. Boy, he's going to feel sheepish.
• "Hold me." Gag ME.
• Vader's ship looks like the hand of an evil scientist as he strokes his goatee when it's landing.
• Hey, dad.
• I definitely see why it was recommended to watch the prequels before this. This scene is much richer in meaning with the back story. No sarcasm, serious comment.
• This distraction Ewok is having SO MUCH FUN.
• I've always thought Vader was this big, ultimate bad guy, but Palpatine's WAY worse than him! Why isn't he more famous? Is it that he's pure evil and has no layers? Or is it because it's not as easy to dress like him?  
• How can anyone not love the Ewoks? Little dudes completes save the day.
• There have been no solid light saber fights in this film.
• I like when R2 screams like a girl.
• Did that Ewok die?! I feel genuinely sad about this!
• I wish Luke would chop off Palpatine's head. Is that not an option?
• Mark Hamill has the body of a preteen female gymnast.
• YOU will meet your destiny.
• Harrison Ford: Master of the cocky shrug.
• Aw, Lukey is playing hide-and-seek with Daddy.
• This light saber fight is satisfying.
• Force lightning! Or something! That's cheating, fight like a Jedi!
• Oh, snap. Daddy saved you.
• Lando just got a scratch on the Millennium Falcon!
• Holy cow. This scene with Luke and Vader is touching. Imperial Death March plucked gently on a stringed instrument reinforces my feelings!
• No, Han, you don't understand.
• Do they get to keep that Ewok as a pet? Sorry, is that an offensive question?
• Burning plastic is really bad for the environment, Luke.
• Celebrate! The whole galaxy!
• What happens with the remaining Storm Troopers?
• OH MY, they added Hayden's ghost to this. LAME.

In conclusion, I liked this one the best out of Episodes I-VI. Probably because of the Ewoks.

*I'm going to be mature and not mention the terrible scrolly exposition this time. Very mature.

**I'm realizing that we watched the digitally altered version, so the opening shot might possibly have been tampered with. I have no idea though.

Movie Review Monday: Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Here's the fifth installment of my six part series on the inner monologue of a 32 year old watching Star Wars for the first time:

• "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away" wasn't scrolling, and I got SO excited for about three seconds, but NOOOOO...scrolly exposition is still here.
• Dooku continues to be a ridiculous name.
• Boom! Right into battle!
• I feel like I'm watching someone play a video game.
• If Amazon ends up using droids for deliveries, a rival service should use buzz droids to mess them up.
• If R2D2's head gets lopped off by that buzz droid, I'm going on Star Wars strike.
• Who's this skeleton robot? I've literally never seen this creature before, and he seems like a main character.

  

  Photo from disqus.com

• Whoa! The light saber's a walkie talkie to R2D2?! NEAT. It's a shame it's going to blow his cover.
• These robots' voices are the opposite of intimidating.
• R2D2 FIRE.
• Dooku starts the fight with a triple forward flip and sticks the landing. 10!
• "Twice the pride, double the fall." That sounds like a bad advertising slogan.
• Ewan appears to be squished.
• Anakin should have said "Dooku, don't lose your head" before he did that.
• This is a mean Chancellor.
• Wilhelm scream!
• If the ship is split open, wouldn't there be a distinct lack of gravity? How is all this falling happening? Scratch that. They'd all, like, implode and suffocate all the time if real space rules applied.
• Ruh-roh.
• General Grievous? Really phoned that name in, didn't we?
• It'd be useful for wizards to learn the Force. Obi Wan and Anakin essentially just performed "Accio Lightsaber" without wands.
• Why does Grievous have a cough and a cape? He's a robot.
• Ewan never falters in his positive spirit. He'd make a great Christmas elf.
• I hope they're going to visit some Ewoks or Yoda or something cute.
• R2D2 screams like a pansy girl.
• That ship looks like the monorail!
• Anakin's hair. Yeesh.
• President Santos! In a blue pimp coat! 
• Padme still wants Anakin to be her super secret special friend.
• "I'm pregnant." "That's...................." way too long pause "..........wonderful."
• Oh, please. You cannot brush curls like that. They'd frizz into a mane. 
• No, I'M so in love. No, I am! No, I AM. Gag.
• It'd be so great if this whole movie was just like, getting ready to be a dad...in space. Baby shower...in space. Going into labor...in space! And they just give up the battles and everything.
• Yoda!
• Now all I can think is that Frank Oz was on Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me and he came across a bit haughty. Haughty Yoda.
• Ooo Anakin's going to spy on the Chancellor. (I think of Chancellor Arnold from Beverly Hills 90210 every time I hear the word Chancellor.)
• Yoda's speech pattern is officially NOT endearing.
• I don't believe Samuel L. Jackson is part of this fictional world. He's just himself in a robe.
• Oh, Natalie. This is not your best work.
• Ominous music. What the heck are they watching? Looks like Cirque performed by giant goldfish (or sperm?) in large floating drops of water.
• How'd Chancellor know they wanted Annie to spy on him? This guy's a total creeper. Is he the Sith Lord in Grievous's hologram?!
• Wookies! Finally!
• Did that Wookie just do a Tarzan yell?
• I can't remember if Obi Wan is alive in the older movies. That last scene between Anakin and Obi Wan felt rather final.
• "I want more!" - Anakin so often sounds like a petulant child.
• Obi Wan is now riding a giant lizard that looks plucked directly from a mediocre show on SyFy.
• Oh, snap. That was a rad move, Obi Wan. Crashing that giant thing from the ceiling then casually lopping that robot's head off. A-.
• Wow! Grievous has a lot of arms!
• Extreme eye close-ups!
• Oh, no! Quick - Accio Lightsaber again!
• I think the Chancellor would be good friends with President Snow.
• Confirmed Sith Lord Chancellor!
• Grievous has a heart! Or something organic and squishy. That explains the cough.
• And now...an entire scene of Anakin and Padme staring out their windows.
• I'll bet those snakes on the plane aren't looking so bad now, Samuel L.
• Ew.
• Super poor choice, Anakin.
• Darth Vader! Imperial march! Get that boy a costume change!
• Man. Anakin decided to go to the dark side and now he's just all in.
• Mugatu, noooooo!
• Character from Avatar, nooooo!
• I usually like montages, but this one's depressing.
• Yoda with the double head chop!
• Yoda riding piggyback on Chewie. Adorbs.
• Is Anakin going to kill all these baby Jedis?!
• Phew, President Santos got away.
• Wookie communication is similar to Margot communication: Lots of adorable, meaningful head tilting.
• "Are you all right?" - Padme. Anakin's response should be "Oh, I'm fine. I'm just on a killing spree. NBD."
• Can't R2 tell Padme that Anakin has LOST IT?
• I wonder how many people Yoda has killed.
• I realize that Anakin's motivation is to keep his wife alive, but I have to say...dude is evil. He must have always had it in him. *I'm realizing that this is probably a great nerd debate and maybe not that simple, but it seems pretty clear to me.
• That alien looked like the witch's guards in Wizard of Oz.
• Did Obi Wan really not know who the father of Padme's kid was yet?
• At least Anakin is crying. That's a point for the "he's not all evil" side of the nerdebate.
• Padme's ability to run while pregnant is wildly unrealistic.
• Anakin's really hung up on comparing Padme to his mother. 
• "You turned her against me!" He should stomp his feet when he says such things.
• Every time Yoda destroys guards with ease I giggle. Adorable violence.
• Poke him in the face so he has to wear a mask and breathe funny, Obi Wan!
• What's this electricity magic power? I'm guessing he doesn't use it more often because it makes him look...like that.

  

  Darth Sidious? More like Darth Sidiyuck.
  Photo from starwars.com

• The prominent choral portion of the score makes me feel that we're reaching the end of this interminable fight scene.
• "It's over, Anakin. I have the higher ground." - Lorelai Gilmore's anger at this is not unreasonable.
• Anakin clearly never played hot lava as a child. So much burning!
• "Is Anakin all right?" NO.
• Lying flat on her back while pregnant. Was there not one mother on set to correct these little things?
• Hey, Anakin, silver lining: Your terrible, terrible hair is gone.
• So Luke and Leia must be twins. (A robot confirmed that three seconds after I wrote it. Neat.)
• That putting on the Darth Vader mask shot was COOL.
• Padme totally would have lived if Anakin hadn't gone all dark side in an effort to save her.
• "NOOOOOOOO!" Hehe.
• Padme's mortician has skillz.

  

  I've never looked that good. And I'm alive.
  Photo from www.rebelshaven.com

• Surely this film will end soon. Ah, we're establishing the twins' lives.
• It's over!

In conclusion, this was the best of the newer films and I very nearly enjoyed it. Only one more, and then I'll have earned my right to see JJ's film! 

Movie Review Monday: Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Here's the second installment of my six part series on the inner monologue of a 31 year-old watching the Star Wars films for the first time ever:

• This opens with scrolly exposition too. I keep briefly thinking "What, did they make this in iMovie?"
• Hoth, I have heard of you.
• Kangaroo dinosaur ram, you don't look like you should live in cold climates.
• Abominable snowman from Matterhorn?! Disneylaaaaand.
• Han has already said "Chewie" more times in this film than in the entirety of the last one.
• One...two...three...FOUR looks from Leia to Han fraught with meaning.
• These braids are much more becoming than those ear muff buns, Princess. 
  
• Ha, I thought that stalactite guy was using the Force to get a soda. It was a light saber.
• What is with people using light sabers to cut off arms?! At least this time it's for survival.
• Dude, you are screwed. FOG.
• Why can C3P0 feel cold but he doesn't feel pain when his limbs get torn off? Sub-question: why doesn't C3P0 just put on a coat?
• Aw, Chewie's sad.
• Oh, circle fade. Classy.
• What?! That was Luke the whole time?! Seriously thought he was a disposable extra.
• Mark Hamill's acting abilities have remained consistent from the last film to this one.
• Holy cow, that's a gross way to stay warm.
• Mark Hamill's hair has remained consistent from the last film to this one.
• "Laser brain." Classic.
• "Laugh it up, fuzz ball." These insults are so witty. Wow.
• "Nerf herder." What does that mean? That's the name of the band that does the Buffy theme music.
• Wow, Leia blatantly kissing Luke to just to make Han jealous. She has the emotional maturity of a lamp.
• IMPERIAL MARCH.
• I'd like to think that there's an imperial soldier with the title "Lead Darth Vader helmet shiner" and he's darn good at his job.
• I want to hug Chewie too! Did Luke just scratch his neck like he's a puppy?
• How long after the first movie does this take place?
• Ooo Darth's pod thingy is neat.
• Darth can The Force those guys via Skype?!
• My informants here tell me the best battle of the movie is about to happen.
• I'm sorry, does C3P0 keep changing colors?
• Are the oompa loompa soldiers cheering about going into battle? That seems unhealthy. "WOOO! We might die right now!"
• Oh, guy in Luke's vehicle. You are doomed.
• Imperial walkers look cool, but those long legs seem impractical.
• Ohhhh...they have legs so Luke could provide an easy solution to destroy them.
• Oh, guy in Luke's vehicle. Predictably, you have died.
• They're just going to trip those giant, impenetrable machines? Yeah, okay.
• Don't yell at Chewie, Han!
• K, Luke. Just fight the imperial walker with your bare hands. No big deal.
• Oh my gosh, I was kidding, Luke.
• Sometimes Darth is intimidating, but sometimes I picture that underneath that costume is a sweaty comic book nerd with a mullet "bum-bum-bumming" the imperial march to himself.
• Leia has clearly never been on Star Tours. Of course Han's going through the asteroids.
• Now Han is just showing off. You're a good pilot. We get it.
• I think Luke just landed in a scene from The Neverending Story.
• I'm betting that R2D2 can't swim.
• I was wrong.
• Swamp creature'd!
• Did R2D2 just get thrown up and then throw up?
• Darth Vader's skin!
• I love "this building/vehicle is shaking...whoOAa" acting.
• Yesss...find Yoda, Luke!
• "Did he say to find yogurt?" - Eiley
• What! Is Yoda voiced by Miss Piggy and Fozzie Bear?!
• I'm super disappointed. Yoda isn't as cute as I thought he'd be.
• Can one use the Force on a robot?
• Jeff just got defensive when I told him Yoda wasn't as cute as I'd anticipated: "I think he's frickin' adorable." 
  
• Ooo. Loooove music. Or just Leia music? No, love music. Whoa, she's trembling. Keep it PG, Harrison.
• KISS.
• C3P0 is a master moment killer.
• Wait! Who's this creeper that Darth bows to?
• Is Darth Vader also Annikin Skywalker?
• I hope R2D2 doesn't rust.
• Yoda has a cozy little Hobbit hole.
• Is Ben's...aura...floating around haunting people?
• I wish Yoda would wiggle his ears like Sloth from Goonies.
• Sucky cave monster!
• Oh, dear. They were in a sand worm from Beetlejuice.
• Yoda backpack!
• Is Luke supposed to be listening to Yoda monologuing?
• There should be a Jedi training montage.
• Now I have "Eye of the Tiger" in my head.
• DARTH VADER.
• LIGHT SABERS.
• BEHEADING.
• LUKE BEHEADING...himself? Wait, what? And why is Yoda so smug about that?
• Lizard imperial soldier out of nowhere.
• Yes. I am so ready for light speed.
• Thanks for telling C3P0 to shut up, Leia.
• Bless that guy's heart. "I'll apologize to Vader." Pro tip, dude: Defect.
• Didn't Luke move a blaster with the Force on Hoth earlier? Oh, Yoda's trying to get him to Force his vehicle. That's heavier.
• So Luke begs Yoda to teach him then gives up after like two lessons? "You want the impossible." Whine, sulk, pout.
• Yoda's showing how it's done. Oh, snap.
• Does using the Force require energy?
• "I don't believe it." "That...is why you fail."
• Told you to defect, dummy.
• What's C3P0 even there for?
• Lando Calrissian is an awesome name.
• Does Luke have to do a handstand to use the Force? Because that's going to make using it to fight really awkward.
• Yes, eventually Han and Leia will die, Luke. I can't see the future, but their mortality seems fairly obvious.
• Something terrible happens every time they say everything's going to be okay.
• Oh, phew. Exception! Lando friendship!
• Whoa. Down, boy.
• Is it okay that I don't really care that C3P0 just got blasted?
• I'm confused - is Luke going to fight Vader with the Force? Or a light saber? Or both?
• Why does Leia hate everyone?
• Lando is a super creeper.
• TWIST! Vader in the dining room.
• Oh, shoot. Judging by the music, I am supposed to care about C3P0.
• Han Solo torture!
• Lando, don't talk back to Vader.
• "I feel terrible." - first line I genuinely laughed at.
• I keep thinking about Luke Danes from Gilmore Girls complaining that this all comes down to who has higher ground, and I'm curious about how that'll come into play.
• "I love you." "I know." Ohhh...that explains my cousin's tattoo. Ha! 
  
• Do people actually expect Vader to keep his word?
• That shot of Luke meeting Darth Vader for the first time is legit chilling.
• Light saber fight!
• Why are we strangling the guy who just released us, Chewie?
• I like legless C3P0 more.
• Why doesn't Luke blaster Vader?
• What just happened? Does Luke think a little fall killed Vader?
• Luke is phoning this fight in.
• It bugs me that I have no idea what the plan is here other than "run around the building shooting blasters and pressing any buttons on the walls that we find."
• Is Vader trying to kill Luke or turn him evil?
• Luke. Your hand fell off.
• "I'm your father." 
• "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE." I found Hamill's delivery of this line brilliant...ly hilarious.
• Cutting off someone's hand is probably not the best tactic to persuade them to join your team.
• Luke Skywalker: Really brave or really dumb?
• Crying out to one's hallucination for help has to be rock bottom. Oh, we switched to crying out for Leia. Much better.
• Please let Luke just plop down into the Falcon's moonroof.
• Hahaha...YESSSS.
• Where is Han? Still cryogenically frozen somewhere with Vader?
• My desire to see light speed is pretty intense, and I keep getting disappointed. They make it look so easy at Disney.
• What! Is Vader brainwashing Luke?
• I love the way James Earl Jones says "DEStinyyy."
• LIGHT SPEED. FINALLY.
• Is there a maximum distance Vader can reach with the Force? Why doesn't he just relax in a hammock and strangle all his enemies?
• Cyber hand looks real.
• Wait, do we know Luke and Leia are bro/sis now?
• Seriously, where did Han go?
• This movie has zero resolution!
• Hey, cool, John Ratzenberger was in this.
  

Conclusion: This was a fun movie. It bothers me that people pronounce Han and Falcon differently. That's all.

Movie Review Monday: Star Wars IV (from an adult seeing it for the first time)

Okay, it's not Monday, but that used to be the day we'd review movies and I was so excited to actually have blog fodder that I couldn't wait to post this. Check out more concise Movie Reviews here.

I caved and watched Star Wars IV: A New Hope for the first time in my life last night. Jeff was nearly giddy with excitement. He met up with our friend Will at a coffee shop to get the DVDs, which is how I imagine upscale drug deals probably happen too. I thought all of you Star Wars fans might be interested to know the inner monologue of a 31 year-old watching it for the first time, so I wrote notes. Nine pages of scribbled notes. Eiley asked me what I was drawing at one point. I'm giving you my unedited stream of consciousness, so you might have no idea what I'm talking about some of the time, and I will look like an idiot some of the time* (I refuse to take time to Google how to spell some of these names, for example), but I'm fine with that. Laugh at me freely, nerd bombs.

• The amount of exposition in the scrolly intro thing seems like lazy screenwriting. Show don't tell, right? 
• Stormtroopers look awesome.
• Why is C3P0 British? If one robot is British, why can't the other even speak English?
• Alderon? Rebel who what? What is James Earl Jones talking about?
• The mice from Cinderella seem to have mutated and are wearing cloaks. Those are definitely their voices.
• Hey, there's Wall-E (or maybe Number 5?), the scary trash can from The Wiz, and one of the guys from Daft Punk. 
• Those lizard dinosaurs are disgusting.
• Desert igloo?
• Is Luke Skywalker a teenager?! I always thought he was a strong, heroic MAN, not a whiny manchild.
• I miss Disneyland.
• "He looks like the Wizard of Oz [Tin Man]. Maybe that's his problem." - Eiley about C3P0 
• R2D2 is adorbs.
• "I think that princess is in trouble." - Eiley
• Is Obi Wan Kenobi Luke's father? (*Sidenote: It's astounding how long it took me to realize what a dumb thought that was.)
• Sweet fanny pack, Luke!
• Who are all the "sad people"? Luke just said that it's dangerous to leave in the dark with all the sad people around.
• These people speak in belches! Neat. Or...gross.
• Oh, sand people. Not sad people.
• Wait, it's not belching. It's seal barking.
• "I hope he doesn't kill him, and I hope he doesn't die." - Eiley, referring to a sand person and Luke
• That guy is totally Obi Wan K. Why did uncle and aunt lie and say he was dead?
• Is Ben Kenobi the same as Obi Wan? Oh, nope. Ben's clearly unsettled by the name Obi Wan. OH. THE SAME. Emotional Obi Wan roller coaster!
• Obi Wan really enunciates Light. Saber. the first time, like he's giving a vocabulary lesson.
• Oh, hey. More exposition.
• Whoa, I just remembered that Vader is Luke's father. Spoiler'd!
• I can't remember if Luke and Leia are bro/sis or Han and Leia.
• Oh, please. Luke's resistance to go on this adventure is really half-hearted. He clearly is all in.
• Are these actors doing voices on purpose or is it just the 70s acting style?
• Oh, crap. The Force is no joke. Don't cross Darth.
• Well, that's what Luke's aunt and uncle get for lying about Obi Wan being dead.
• Torture robot?
• I'm actually pretty impressed with the special effects so far. I was prepared to fully mock. Better than most Syfy channel shows. (Sidenote: Jeff later informed me that this was not a fully original edition - some things were improved.)
• Ben totally just Jedi-ed those Stormtroopers.
• Chewbacca! I hope he's a good guy. He's cute.
• Calm down, Obi Wan. Cutting an arm off in a bar fight seems a bit extreme. Geez.
• Harrison Ford comes in at 47.53 minutes. Almost halfway through the movie. Interesting!
• I've even heard of the Millennium Falcon, Obi Wan.
• Should I call him Obi Wan or Ben?
• Have they even introduced Chewie yet?
• I think Groot and Chewbacca would be such sweet friends.
• "I felt a great disturbance in the Force." Some of these lines are so iconic that they are strange to hear.
• I wonder if Mr. Miyagi was inspired in part by Obi Wan.
• "That small moon" is the Death Star, guys. Even I know that.
• John Williams is brilliant.
• That soldier just said "jettisoned" twice in a row. It's a nice word.
• Did Han just pet Chewbacca? I still don't think we've heard his name, just that he's a Wookie.
• I want to see some Ewoks. What's the deal?
• Guys. Mark Hamill is a terrible actor. But he has nice hair.
• Chewie is TALL. Is that a full suit? Or part suit, part makeup?
• I can't put my finger on why, but some of these actors, including Harrison, seem like they've never held a gun before.

  

  
  

• Are Obi Wan and Darth brothers?
• What's Darth's motive? Why is he all evil?
• Those storm trooper uniforms seem hard to run in.
• Princess, you can't look badass while holding your blaster like a sissy.
• I think I've seen a parody or homage to every scene so far except this trash room one. This is the first truly fresh scene for me.
• Way to throw the troopers off the trail, C3P0!
• "One thing's for sure - we're all gonna be a lot thinner." - Han. "GROAN." - me.
• Did they really think pushing against the trash compactor walls would be effective?
• Pretty sure Liam Neeson is way taller than this Obi Wan.
• Whoa. Leia's totally into Han.
• Farmer Luke is pretty good with a gun.
• Wilhelm scream!
• Rope swing for the win!
• The footsteps foley is getting hilarious.
• Light saber fight time. YES.
• I see why people like to pretend they have light sabers. This is awesome. 
• That's not actually James Earl Jones, right? He was never that skinny, right?
• Ben Kenobi, NOOOOO! He's not really dead. That was way too anticlimactic.
• How long is Leia's hair?! Those buns.
  
• Is that old Nazi dude Darth Vader's boss?
• "Princess" sounds like a curse word coming out of Han.
• I legit just thought the rebels were Oompa Loompas. Same outfits.
• If R2D2 gets destroyed I will be LIVID.
• I haven't had a coherent thought in 5 minutes, which must mean this little space battle is awesome.
• Wait...when did Darth get in his aircraft?
• Wooooooo STAR TOURS! I continue to miss Disneyland!
• Oh, no. Luke's Goose got blown up.
• Death Star explosion!
• R2D2 NOOOOOO! Aw, C3P0 has feelings.
• Oh, hey. That answers my Leia hair length question.
• R2D2 is so shiny.
• Boom. Heroes.

Conclusion: I was expecting cheesier than this. I enjoyed it (I mean, it was no GotG, but that movie wouldn't have happened without Star Wars), and it was also surreal to have more context for countless parodies and homages I've seen over the years. My only complaints are the terrible acting and lack of Ewoks and Yoda. But I suppose I have those to look forward to in subsequent films. 

Movie Review Monday: Moonrise Kingdom

Wes Anderson creates some of the most quirky, original films out today. I love most of them - I can't say all because occasionally he goes a bit too far out there for my little mind to fully appreciate it (and by "occasionally" I mean "several scenes in Life Aquatic and the entirety of Hotel Chevalier"). This film was no exception. It was quirky, original, and went a little too far at one point. 

Thoughts:

1. The soundtrack was so good. I am still considering purchasing part of it. The soundtrack was so good, in fact, that Jeff and I remained seated through the entirety of the credits simply because the song was riveting.

2. The stars of the film were children. I would love to get a glimpse into the casting of these children. The lead actor and actress were compelling. Their speech patterns, maturity, and evident innocence were fascinating. And my bff imdb says this is the first film for both.

Photo borrowed from blog.zap2it.com

3. The film took place on a fictional New England island in the 60s. So. Hip. I felt like the set was plucked from the dreams of a trendy hipster blogger, all vintage dresses, saddle shoes, records, typewriters, knee high socks, cats, suitcases, and all in browns, muted lime, ballet pink, and shag carpet orange.

4. This was Frances McDormand's first Anderson film. Judging by her acceptance performance at the Tony's two years ago (when she rocked the old jersey cotton maxi dress and a jean jacket), she lives her life like she's in an Anderson film - she's odd, dry, and doesn't care about social norms. Hopefully we'll see her in more of his work in the future. I'm a fan.

5. Most of Wes Anderson's films feature caricatures more than round characters. Sure, they have issues, but everything is so deadpan that it's hard to wade through to a real, believable person. That seemed different in this film. Bill Murray got angry when his daughter was missing and emanated loneliness when interacting with his wife. Ed Norton was at times an obnoxious stickler for rules, and at other times showed genuine care and concern for his lost Khaki Scout. Frances McDormand displayed anger, regret, passion, love for her daughter. These characters just seemed more human than other Anderson characters. And I happen to like humans.

Photo borrowed from ew.com

6. There was an awkward scene in the middle of the movie. I was uncomfortable. Very.

7. Bruce Willis. I wouldn't say I'm a fan, not really. But I'm starting to notice that I have liked everything I've seen him in. Including this. I guess I'm a reluctant fan.

In conclusion, two claws up. 

Movie Review Monday: The Artist

Honestly, The Artist looked a bit dull to me, and I probably wouldn't have considered watching it if it hadn't won the Academy Award this year. However, since I am married to an actor, love films, and it did win the Academy Award, I was practically required to see it. I grabbed it from the Redbox on Thursday, and Jeff and I watched it that evening.

It was delightful.

Thoughts:

1. There was almost zero speaking. There were almost zero sound effects. Yet I was engrossed in the story the whole time.
2. The girl who played Peppy Miller was enchanting, and that is not a word I throw around lightly. She somehow made a whistle, a blown kiss, and a wink adorable when it should have been obnoxious. Plus she made me wish I lived in the 20s because I loved her wardrobe.

Photo borrowed from filmjabber.com

3. My initial reaction was that the film showed the fleeting nature of fame. Jeff's initial reaction was that the film showed the history of the demise of silent films. I like it when there are multiple clear themes in a movie. It could also be argued that this is a love story between a man and a woman, a story of loyalty between a man and his dog or a man and his valet (played by James Cromwell who I cannot separate from Babe, and I always always always imagine will say "That'll do" at some point in all of his performances), the story of a woman's rise to fame, the story of the rise of talkies. Pick one, they're all in here.
4. Jean Dujardin won the Best Actor Oscar for this role. At the beginning of the film, I didn't get it. Sure, he's charismatic, and there's something to be said for a current actor mastering the style of a silent film actor, yet I was unimpressed. But as the film plodded on, he showed more and more range. By the end, I was thoroughly impressed and decided that maybe the Academy knew what they were doing this year. I mean, they could have just given it to him for his ability to pull off the caterpillar 'stache. That alone is impressive.

Bravo, good sir. Photo borrowed from billdesowitz.com.

5. Puppy!

I make a very good point here. Photo borrowed from The Telegraph.

In conclusion, two silent yet enthusiastic claws up! Thanks for calling this to my attention, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

Movie Review Monday: Dark Knight Rises

Miracle of miracles, Manny and I got to see a second movie in a theater this calendar year ! Thanks, Sissy, (that's my "Sissy," Lauren, btw, not Jenna, who is most often referred to as such on this blog) for pushing me to get the babysitter and go for it, and for paying for the babysitter to boot! I feel like I'll need to watch it a few more times to really appreciate it, but here are some of my current thoughts:

I'm a huge fan, so no disrespect, but Joseph Gordon Levitt finally looks like he aged past 11. Congratulations on graduating from puberty Jo! ;) He was so great in this film.

image taken from here

Speaking of looking old, I rather like how old they made Christian Bale out to be for this role. Having ogled him since Newsies, it was a little shocking to see him look all wrinkly, but I think his having joint pain and reclusive tendencies really helped humanize him and expand on the theme of "anyone can be Batman."

image taken from here

I was embarrassed by how giddy the boy-toys in this film made me feel. They were just cool. Batman's new "not a car" looks like some sort of flying cockroach.

image taken from here

The Dark Knight was going to be pretty near impossible to follow, and when I saw trailers with Anne Hathaway, I got a sour feeling in my stomach that disappointment was going to be inevitable. But she actually fit into the role quite nicely and really enhanced the film, rather than totally detracting from it as Katie Holmes had in Batman Begins. Ugh. I'm still mad at Katie for that one. Way to go, Anne!

There is a twist towards the end that I felt like I should have been able to see coming, but it still managed to totally catch me off guard. Instead of humanizing the villains in the slightly more obvious way as he did in the Dark Knight, Nolan kind of went around through the back door this time, and it surprised me with such punch that I could not hold back tears. Impressive.

Debatably cheesy one-liners abounded. I look forward to watching this a few more times to really appreciate a few of them though. The only one I was able to hold onto was,

"This only gets fixed from inside the city."

I thought that was a great picture for those of us who aim to be "helpers," thinking we can disregard the strengths or desires of the person or people we're aiming to help. On individual, group, and large scale levels, change must be born from within. 

My mother-in-law recently shared some wise advice with me about parenting. She had read that "parents don't actually want what is best for you, they want what is safest for you." Wo. That cuts to the quick. As a parent now myself, one of my hardest jobs is relinquishing the desire to be a constant safety net. And it is amazing what my child, and I myself, can do when we have to rise ;) to the occasion. I don't want to give too much away in case you haven't already seen the film, but I do think it illustrated something of this point in a poignant way.

Not quite so shockingly amazing as Dark Knight, but completely entertaining and worthwhile. He had a few rough starts in his career, but after this one, I decided, as a rule, I will just have to see all Christopher Nolan films made into the future. I must also note that it sure seems like he's found his preferred cast. So it still gets 2 claws up from me. Have you see it, Lobsters? What did you think?

Movie Review Monday: Romantics Anonymous

image taken from here

Romantics Anonymous is another great little French romantic comedy. I recently reviewed I Do, another French romantic comedy, and played around with some ideas of potential actors to play the American remake. Romantics Anonymous really doesn't need an American remake, and maybe I Do doesn't either actually. But if they did go ahead and remake it here anyways, Steve Carrell would HAVE to star in Romantics Anonymous. It is right in his wheel house. Slightly older, totally awkward guy, seeking true meaningful romance.  

I've mentioned several times here that I have a special weakness for movies about cooking, but this one gets a double win because not only is it about a chef, but also chocolate truffles. Add in the sweet little romance it illustrates, and what more could a girl want? Ok, maybe I wouldn't have minded having actual truffles to snack on while I watched, instead of just drooling on myself. But just desiring them was pleasurable enough.

image taken from here

I felt like the film did a great job really taking its time with the uncomfortable moment to accentuate both pain and comedy in this budding romance. I love how a woman who is entirely to shy to sell chocolates to customers can go on and on like an impassioned politician when defending the chocolates to the people who make them. The male lead has an issue with sweating through shirts when he's nervous, and they play that up through the whole film just hilariously. 

image taken from here

Romantic comedies stick so closely to formulas. One trend this one broke, perhaps on account of its being French, I'm not film savvy enough to know such things, was that the female lead didn't have to have a best friend side kick to talk to and thereby let us know whatever she was feeling. I was recently reading that men share intimate emotional feelings more comfortably in one on one interactions, and while women will do that too, they are also more likely to seek out a whole group of people for emotional support. I felt like this film highlighted that trend by showing us the guy's feelings while he spoke to his therapist, and the woman's emotions as she debriefed to her support group. Though, someone who is more familiar with French mental health culture, please tell me what is up with having an alcoholics anonymous-esque group, confessing about being "emotional." Are emotions considered mentally unhealthy in France? I'm guessing not, but that sure made me curious. 


Two claws up from me! A totally enjoyable treat!