You’ve done it.

Dear Fazakerley's,

Three years ago, you left home, the place you loved and never wanted to leave, and set out on this adventure. Jeff, you stepped out with courage, with aspirations that may have drawn funny looks from some. Emily, you stepped out in faith that Jeff could actually make a go of acting. You both took a big step.

It was a scary step. You weren’t thrilled about leaving California. You weren’t 100% confident in yourself that you could see the program through to completion. But you felt called to this place for a purpose. And you both went.

How does a young married couple get by on one income while paying for grad-school tuition? How does a young husband give of his heart fully on the stage and to his studies, and still preserve his truest love for his wife? How does a young wife weather theater-widowhood, and yet hold onto love and commitment for her living breathing theater-husband?

Overwhelming to some, apparently this was not challenge enough for you, so you invited another pioneer into your mix. You weren’t sure you could do that either, juggle marriage, work, grad-school, AND a newborn baby. But you did it. 

You took time to make birthdays and anniversaries special. You gave your all to your work. You took advantage of opportunities to get away for breaks. You allowed your community in to support and bolster you. You cared for your community in return. You sacrificed for one another. You sacrificed for Eiley. You loved.

You did it all. You accomplished your goal despite unforeseen challenges. You lived and loved well with the time that you had there, as I’m sure many Virginian-friends can attest. And now you’ve flown home to California.

I imagine you’re a bit changed by the journey. You now have an extra degree under your belt, an extra person in your arms, and maybe at least the tiniest bit less of your heart, left behind in Virginia.

And now you face a new challenge of settling back in to a place that is familiar. But you have changed. You may be more changed, Jeff, than when you left Idaho to go to school in California. You may be more changed, Emily, then when you went abroad to Spain. You are more, both in quantity and quality, than when you left.

There will be accommodations to procure, routines to establish, new networks to ease into. My fear is that the newness of the old will keep you from taking a moment to realize all you’ve accomplished. It must be both exciting and scary to be home. But when you get back to In-N-Out, because I knew it would have only take a matter of minutes for you to find you way there, I hope you’ll raise your Diet Coke, forgive it for not being a Diet Pepsi, and give a toast to yourselves, because you’ve done it. You’ve gone there and come back again. You should be so proud.

Jeffrey, congratulations on your graduation.

Emily, congratulations on your good work at Regent, your beautiful superhuman mothering of your daughter, and your selfless support of your husband through this season.

Eiley, congratulations on surviving your first round of grad school.

Fazakerley’s, congratulations on your return home. 

Happy Birthday Blog!

One year ago today, Emily and I launched our very first post here at Long Distance Lobsters, and we've posted at least once every day since. Happy Birthday Blog! My life is better with you in it.

Here's a silly video we made to celebrate. Enjoy, and feel free to mock us mercilessly in the comments.

You'll be seeing some changes in the new Lobster year:

1. The next two weeks will be devoted to revisiting our favorite posts. We hope you enjoy rereading them too (or reading them for the first time if you're new here). This is partly to celebrate a whole year of uninterrupted fresh blogs, but mostly to give ourselves breathing room to since I am moving and Zoe has her hands full with a very energetic toddler.

2. We will still update regularly, but we won't be quite as diligent about making sure it's daily. (I write this for my sister who was concerned for our wellbeing when we posted very late one day last week.)

3. Those are the only two changes I can think of.


As always, we welcome your input and reader requests. Thanks for giving our little project an audience!

In conclusion, hurray! 

eFriendship

I think that 100 years ago, people probably managed to have some perfectly lovely long distance friendships. I know I still love getting snail mail letters and I really love getting packages – as rare as both of these occasions may be. But it also seems like advances in technology today don’t hurt.

I have her to thank for my Gmail and Facebook accounts, for my first ever Skype conversation, and for my entre into texting and blogging. Wow – can you believe that all happened within the past decade? Seems like we’ve always had this stuff. Thanks to technology, there’s less excuse for distance getting in the way of being present in the lives of people you love. Yes, it’s different, but not all together impossible.

For example, last week, my husband, Manny, and I were having a little coffee date in one of my favorite spots, The Living Room in La Jolla. Cozy, textural, with a view of the ocean. This was our first time back there with Sofia. I was trying to work on writing a paper, but the caffeine jolt had plagued me with a bad case of temporary A.D.D., so I was really more focused on chatting with Emily through Gmail.

I just had to describe to her the preciousness of the moment as I was enjoying it. I was sitting on a red, velvety couch working on my laptop. My husband was sitting beside me, working on his laptop, and Sofia sat in between us, propped up by our bodies and the couch [she can’t quite sit up yet], looking all around. I handed her my cell phone and told her, “here Sofia, this can be your computer so you can work like Mommy and Daddy too.” Sweet, right? Wait for it.

No sooner had I typed the words out than I heard a beep coming from my phone. I glanced down to see my daughter staring intently at the screen, which displayed this text “HI, SOFI BELLA!” As I howled with delight, my husband [who rivals Emily in wit] unlocked the phone and opened up the keypad, helping Sofia to tap away her own text in response. Her message to Emily read, “Jkkn g57kxmvqqag Uldl bf.” She’s so communicative.

It’s not so much what tools you have at hand, but how you put those tools to use. My friend Catherine creates the most amazing homemade Christmas presents that she sends each year. My mom sends thoughtful care packages. My grandmother sends old photo albums with awesome captions under each photo. My dad sends pictures of himself where his expression says all that needs to be said. Emily puts technology to use to make me feel like she is present in my everyday life.

How could you use the tools you have available to reach out to a friend who might benefit from your involvement in their lives?

Why Emily and Jeff are like Sarah and Chuck

Are you part of a couple who argues over whether to watch the action movie or romantic comedy? Well, if you haven’t checked out the show Chuck, you should, because it’s a great way to compromise and both be happy. It's got action, romance, and comedy all in one. The leading characters are Chuck and Sarah. 

While watching the show last week, it occurred to me, this couple reminds me of Emily and her husband Jeff. You’ve gotten a glimpse into who Emily is as a person, I thought you might like to get to know her married-couple-self. So I’ll share with you a few reasons why Emily/Jeff are like Sarah/Chuck, besides the fact that both couples belong in the OC:

1)   These couples can move! I don’t exactly know Emily and Jeff to be charging into danger on a regular basis. But there’s certainly a parallel between how Chuck and Sarah have great fighting moves and the way Emily and Jeff can cut a rug on the dance floor. Their first dance at their wedding was leg-en-dary folks. Legendary.

2)   Sarah is slim, tall, and beautiful. Emily is slim, tall, and beautiful. (well a little less so on the slim right now as she has an adorable baby bump!)

3)   Chuck is tall. Jeff is tall (Emily was not about to marry a guy shorter than her, so that narrowed the pool of potential mates significantly).

photo by zoe

4)   Sarah starts out working in a yogurt shop under cover. Emily used to scoop ice cream at Coldstones – I wonder if there was more going on there than I knew?

5)   Chuck is handsome. Jeff is handsome.

photo by zoe

6)   Sarah is very close to her dad – I LOVE stories about Emily and her dad – there is a sweetness to that relationship that I really feel privileged to both hear stories about and get to witness first hand [yes I am facebook friends with Tim Boyd, points for me!].

7)   Zachary Levi [the actor who plays Chuck] is also the voice of a singing Disney prince [in the movie Tangled]. Emily grew up just miles from Disneyland and is one of the biggest fans I’ve ever known. Jeff is also and actor. And if you heard Jeff sing, you might agree with me that Emily indeed found herself a Disney prince!

8)   Sarah is not a girly-girl. Neither she nor Emily are ones to over-share their emotions [foil to Chuck who is always on the verge of compromising a mission because they "need to talk"]. Furthermore, --SPOILER ALERT-- Her soon-to-be sister-in-law, Ellie, has to strong arm Sarah into doing anything to plan her wedding – she’s just not the kind of girl who grew up dreaming of that day and practicing it with little dolls. But, once Sarah gets into it, she rocks it – we haven’t seen the wedding yet, but I’m sure its going to be fabulous. (see my intro to Emily for more on not being a girly-girl) But it probably won’t beat Emily’s wedding, because that was one of the greatest events I’ve ever attended in my life. Really, you’ve got to get her to tell you all about it, it was amazing!!

9)   Chuck is an evolved man. He is big on sharing his feelings, communicating when things are going well and when they are going wrong. Jeff too can be very in tune to what’s going on emotionally both with Emily and the people around them. I think this comes out in his artistic sensibilities – both his craft of acting and his ability to analyze art he perceives. I also know him to have great courage for entering into difficult conversations for the sake of showing Emily he loves her and helping their marriage to be stronger. 

10)                   Sarah is a weak female character. Ok, you’re probably feeling offended for Emily right now, just like when people hear me call her “Pig,” but when I do that, I am actually calling her “Pyg” as in “pygmy owl,” which was her camp nick name and the name she selected when I asked her what she preferred to be called. But still, Emily is probably a little confused right now, because she’s never asked to be thought of as weak. So, I will ask you to refer to this article for a complete explanation of what I mean, (and some interesting food for thought). I’ll try to summarize: with feminism came a demand to see leading ladies that were more than damsels in distress, so enter characters like “Mikaela Banes” (Megan Fox), the love interest in Transformers. She’s a “strong female character” because she is a woman who can fix cars and fight aliens. But she’s a flat character – ultimately she’s still up there as a sex symbol, we’re just lulled into compliance by the manly skills she has. Sarah on the other hand can kick some booty to be sure, and she has more experience than Chuck in the spy world [parallel to the fact that Emily is slightly older than Jeff], but there’s more than one dimension to her character. Male heroes in literature have significant flaws they have to overcome to win the day, where as many modern day female characters are just there as eye candy. The writers of Chuck dignify Sarah by giving her flaws and difficulties – hence the term “weak” female character. She might be hot, but she is also working out her own stuff that makes her a true hero as she overcomes her own challenges. Like Sarah, Emily is complex.  You can’t just size her up at first glance. As you read this blog, you will come to know her and keep saying to yourself, “huh!” as she surprises and delights you with the way she reveals her own challenges and hidden talents.

Wow, I didn’t even realize how similar they were until I wrote that all down. In conclusion, if you haven’t seen Chuck, you might want to check it out. Also, you might want to follow this blog so you can get to know Emily (and Jeff) even better!

Lobsters, meet Emily. Emily, Lobsters.

Howdy Lobsters! I’m Zoe, nice to meet you. Emily, thank you for that amazing introduction, and also, Holy Shnykies! What was I thinking allowing Emily to introduce me first? How am I supposed to follow that act? Fool of a Took, Zoe! Ugh. Ok. I’ll give it my best shot.

Per point 7 re: my curly hair, I would like to write this post as Goldy Locks. Do you find that too many females you meet are overly dramatic or underly interesting (yes I did just make up that word)? Then Lobsters, meet Emily, she is just right!

Emily is active, and yet, not so athletic as to make me feel miserable about my own un-athleticism. She’s great about finding fun ways to exercise, like line dancing to the Cotton Eyed Joe. 

Cotten Eyed Joe at my wedding
From left to right: me, Emily, Erin 

Emily is cool. She’s always in the know about current films/TV/music, she has a mass store of knowledge of pop-culture-gone-by, and for some reason I really want to mention here that she’s completely addicted to Diet Pepsi. She grew up in the OC, in the house of super cool parents, with an amazing talent for retaining knowledge. These three attributes formed a trifecta of cultural relevance. [side note: This post will list five examples about Emily’s just-right-ness as the first of many odes to one of our favorite pop-authors, Nick Hornby, as featured in High Fidelity.] And yet, she has never seen ANY of the Star Wars films, so whenever I start to feel like I am a grandparent by comparison to her teen savvy, I have little things like my familiarity with Ewoks to comfort myself with.

Yeah, that IS Jimmy Fallon kissing Emily on the cheak

Emily is a not-so-girly girl. This is a picture of our floor mates in college, all amazing women, most of whom we’re still in touch with and love dearly. But note the two of us are cowering in the corner, a bit overwhelmed by the overdose of estrogen. And yet, we’ve enjoyed late-night slumber party talks about boys, she was an amazingly supportive bridesmaid, her own wedding was an historic production, she has fantastic decorating skills, we’ve had overlapping pregnancies (boys can’t do that in case you didn’t know) and somehow she is one of the only girls I feel comfortable having a good squeal with (usually followed by laughing at ourselves for our girliness). 

Armington B309 - woot!

Emily is competitive. I’m sure you know this to be a really obnoxious attribute in some people. And yet, while Emily is intense about her competition, she doesn’t let it get in the way of her relationships. For example, she knows better than to play either ping pong or feusball with me. Ping pong because I could not begin to challenge her enough and feusball because she would get too frustrated when I beat her – best to avoid both all together. When we do play games together, she really gets into it, but she never gets mean. Her competitiveness also helps her to set the bar high – see her introduction to me as an example. She’s really good at a whole lot of things: trivia, singing, dancing, reading out loud, mod-podging, event planning, downing diet pepsi’s, catch phrase, spelling/grammar, writing, making people laugh hysterically, just to name a few. She also encourages me to be better at lots of those things by way of inspiration, and that’s a good kind of person to keep around.

Coolest wedding ever, starring Emily as the bride

Last, but not least: Emily is a straight shooter. Some people don’t have the guts to have a friend like this, and I don’t expect Emily is necessarily like this to everyone she meets, but I believe a wise person keeps a friend around who will be honest and direct. You need a person who tells you when your hair is a wreck; who shuts you down when your blog posts start turning into novels; who tells you that you need to work on being a better listener. And yet, Emily embodies her middle name, Grace. When some people give you the hard truth, you never want to encounter them again. When Emily delivers the truth, sometimes it stings, but I know there’s love in it and that I’d be a fool not to hang onto her forever. That’s why, even though we only lived together for one year, she’s my “Roomy for life.”

Zoe and Emily - not letting go

She’s just the right amount of active. She’s just the right amount of cool. She’s just the right amount of girly. She’s just the right amount of excellent. She’s just the right amount of honest. I’m not letting this gal go. Instead, I’m gonna let you share her with me, because you will all be better for it, Lobsters. You’re welcome.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way *clap*clap*clap*clap*

I’ve been re-watching my DVDs of FRIENDS season 10 lately. Was I the only one who paid money for the whole Rembrants cd only to find out that this was the only tolerable song on it? Anyways, I got to thinking, what do they mean by "there" when they say "I'll be there for you"?

After ten years of crazy antics, but ultimately faithful friendship to each other, the crew disbands, the series ends. Based on the show, loyalty in friendship was supposedly contingent on geographic proximity. Can you really stay good friends with someone who isn’t your room or hall mate anymore?

10 years ago, I met Emily on a shuttle in downtown Santa Barbara. We shared a glorious year in our college dorm room, B309. But our friendship was really solidified when Emily went abroad to study in Spain. We were really good roommates, but we’re freaking amazing long distance friends. And that’s a good thing – cause everyone scatters after college, but for me, that didn’t have to mean losing one of the greatest gifts my college years gave to me.

Being “there” for one another has meant loving on each other from California, Texas, Virginia, Spain, Sri Lanka, and soon to come, Maine. There has been little about our friendship that has been convenient, but Emily has been “there” for me as we graduated college, got our first jobs, got married, explored career options and grad school, supported our husbands through grad school, and now as we are entering into motherhood.

Seeing as how we live in a time, which forces us to redefine “neighbor” in order to have any longevity in our relationships, I think its worthwhile to reflect on our friendship and figure out how we’ve managed so well. I want us to be there for each other for the decade to come. I want to see if we’ve learned anything worth offering to others. 

Who couldn’t use a little less loneliness, a little more support, a lot more laughter, and heaps more love? I think this is one of the great human projects: to figure out how to love each other better. So join us in this journey. Test out some of our tricks, offer us some suggestions, or just enjoy a good laugh. It’ll be good to have you “here” with us!