Response to "resolution'd"

Like Emily, I'm not much for resolutions, but I am into goals, and like to have a sense of a goal for the year at the start. But last year, with a January 2nd due date, and no previous experience with motherhood, I felt it was wisest to be wide open to what the year had to bring us. That peaceful openness worked out great for 2011. But as 2011 came to a close, I found myself in a state of confused frazzledness. The best I can do goal-wise this new year, is hope to get to a place where I can formulate a goal next year. Best of luck 2013!

Emily is somehow managing early motherhood, full time work, and a discerning ambition for the year to come. I think she deserves a massive round of applause, and then an admission that she can not possibly be duly honored for the amazing things she does for her family, all the while keeping all of us entertained through this blog. Hats off to you, my lobster-for-life!

If you didn't catch her post about her resolution, go read it here. I found the second article she linked to particularly valuable. While it was a fully secular post, I think it points beautifully to the gift that God designed for us in Sabbath, a discipline I am always yearning to hone more fully. Part of what I heard Emily longing for was an ability to be more present with her daughter, but another part I was hearing was her need to be recharged. I completely identify with BOTH parts, even though my day to day looks rather different. So, while I'm still trying to figure these things out just as much as Emily, I have found a few activities that help me, personally, to feel recharged while also feeling like I am giving presence, attention, stimulation and love to my daughter. So I thought I'd just pass them along to Emily, but publicly, in case the tip could help you, but also so you can help us add to this list.

How I recharge while providing presence to Sofia:

1) Sing along to music

Emily already mentioned music as a good idea. What she wouldn't have mentioned is how awesome her singing voice is. I have an adequate [by certain standards at least] singing voice, and Sofia is absolutely enthralled, no matter how silly the song I make up for her. I love singing, it brings me relaxation and joy. Getting all those benefits AND Sofia's lit up little face is a true treat. We both get relaxed, filled with joy, and more in tune with each other. So I recommend that while you are playing music, that you sing along, pretty soon, Eiley will be trying to join in and its only one step away from the awesome family band I have envisioned for the Fazakerleys!

2) Take walks

I have been to the gym exactly one time in the entire first year (and some odd days) of Sofia's life. That's no good, but I do walk almost every single day, sometimes twice. The walk gets me out of the house, it provides us with fresh air, it calms us both down, it gets me uncaught from the interwebs, it provides us both with visual stimulation, gives me things to talk to Sofia about when I've run out of words or patience, and it often has me running into other human beings that we can talk to, which is also helpful and leads me to my last point.

3) Playdates even with friends

You might think this requires having friends with kids the same age as yours and with your child's same nap schedule, but it doesn't. When I lived in San Diego, my closest friend was Lexie, who did not have any children. Still, she came over and we did a bible study together or took walks, she held and played with Sofia, and we got to talk and it was SOooo good for me. Here in Brunswick, we have found a few good peers for playdates, but Sofia also really loves hanging out with mom/kid combos where the kid is a couple years older than her. Sofia gets to feel cool by association-to-older-kid, and I get lots of advice about what to look forward to/prepare for in the years to come.

To the other Lobster Mamas out there, what other ways have you found to recharge yourself so that you can better love your family?

Where I Am

I am in Hanna's living room, softly lit, harmonizing Christmas hymns of hope feeling eternally knit to my neighbors surrounding me, lifting their voices into that vaulted ceiling alongside the trill of Stephen's piano notes. 


I am sitting on the floor of a candle lit chapel in Tennessee, squeezing my bisep up against a tattooed, overweight, knife carrying creature of God's making who sheds tears for lives that have been taken and his own life that is being taken up in redemption. 


I am swaying in the breeze that whips around me from every direction, elevated on a slim walking bridge over a canyon, huddled next to friends who become like kin as Jeff strikes chords and all but my soul falls silent. 


I am splayed out on my back on top of a picnic table, disregarding the dust from the grapefruit orchards that swell around me or the frizz of my hair that grows bushier upon my head and I know, perhaps for the first time in my life, that the Spirit is present in the vocal intonations that fill the open air of this hot, humid night. 


I am in Elise's stark, sterile hospital room, half of one of three clumps that are married-One's clinging to each other in the awkwardness that is staring a terrifying moment in the face, holding each other as tightly as we hold our breath, hoping that little Henry will find his and breath on his own, but in praying, learning that truth is God working through history, through doctors, through technicians, through the very machines that sustain his premature life, that even too soon gives him breath. 


I am at the top of the Nadlers' driveway, with cool air whirling around my body, brushing my face with my long hair - "I have never seen the wind, but I have seen the effects of the wind" - as fear falls from me like scales from my eyes I know my weakness is acceptable in light of His strength and in the hand that is His Sabbath rest. 


I am the place where He makes me know that I Am.

eFriendship

I think that 100 years ago, people probably managed to have some perfectly lovely long distance friendships. I know I still love getting snail mail letters and I really love getting packages – as rare as both of these occasions may be. But it also seems like advances in technology today don’t hurt.

I have her to thank for my Gmail and Facebook accounts, for my first ever Skype conversation, and for my entre into texting and blogging. Wow – can you believe that all happened within the past decade? Seems like we’ve always had this stuff. Thanks to technology, there’s less excuse for distance getting in the way of being present in the lives of people you love. Yes, it’s different, but not all together impossible.

For example, last week, my husband, Manny, and I were having a little coffee date in one of my favorite spots, The Living Room in La Jolla. Cozy, textural, with a view of the ocean. This was our first time back there with Sofia. I was trying to work on writing a paper, but the caffeine jolt had plagued me with a bad case of temporary A.D.D., so I was really more focused on chatting with Emily through Gmail.

I just had to describe to her the preciousness of the moment as I was enjoying it. I was sitting on a red, velvety couch working on my laptop. My husband was sitting beside me, working on his laptop, and Sofia sat in between us, propped up by our bodies and the couch [she can’t quite sit up yet], looking all around. I handed her my cell phone and told her, “here Sofia, this can be your computer so you can work like Mommy and Daddy too.” Sweet, right? Wait for it.

No sooner had I typed the words out than I heard a beep coming from my phone. I glanced down to see my daughter staring intently at the screen, which displayed this text “HI, SOFI BELLA!” As I howled with delight, my husband [who rivals Emily in wit] unlocked the phone and opened up the keypad, helping Sofia to tap away her own text in response. Her message to Emily read, “Jkkn g57kxmvqqag Uldl bf.” She’s so communicative.

It’s not so much what tools you have at hand, but how you put those tools to use. My friend Catherine creates the most amazing homemade Christmas presents that she sends each year. My mom sends thoughtful care packages. My grandmother sends old photo albums with awesome captions under each photo. My dad sends pictures of himself where his expression says all that needs to be said. Emily puts technology to use to make me feel like she is present in my everyday life.

How could you use the tools you have available to reach out to a friend who might benefit from your involvement in their lives?

Difficult Questions: Part Two

Yesterday I confessed that I’ve been struggling with my identity as a female Christian parent. I shared some of the questions and answers that were more unsettling than satisfying for me. The more I asked questions and heard answers; I was able to refine what I was really looking for:

As a mom, what is my spiritual calling? How am I contributing to Kingdom economy by taking care of my baby? What I needed to know was weather I was actually fulfilling my calling in the simple act of loving my daughter. Could there really be purpose in changing poopy diapers, cleaning spit up, feeding my baby for so many hours in the day that I can get little else done? Or did I need to figure out how to add on to that with other ministry efforts in order to be a truly faithful Christian. 

I spent weeks worrying, praying, reading, discussing these questions without finding resolution. I ended up taking on a ministry role, in hopes that this would help assuage my anxieties. That was a great experience, but my anxieties would not be assuaged.

Mothers’ day weekend rolled around. Manny and I went to a Barnes and Noble. We grabbed coffees, and he left me there while he took Sofia to shop for my mothers’ day gift. Little did he know, leaving me alone, well caffeinated, in the comforting quiet of a bookstore might have been the greatest mothers’ day gift he could have given me.

Fully relaxed and well stimulated, I barely made it more than fifteen feet in nearly two hours as I took my time browsing through magazines and books. In the course of my splendid exploration, I stumbled upon a book about mothering. One piece that stuck out to me was her encouragement about the value of a mother’s presence with her children.

Having worked with children who have been in and out of the foster care system, I know the value of the presence of a mother all too well. So this author’s words rang very true. But they also got me thinking about this word, “Presence.”

You might be familiar with Brother Lawrence. This is a monk who had to wash dishes for the monastery for most of his life. Pretty mundane, tedious work. A little like changing diapers perhaps? As he sought to find worth in what he was doing day in and day out, he wrote a book called The Practice of the Presence of God, about becoming aware of the presence of God in all things.

As I put all these pieces together [aka the Holy Spirit worked in my heart], I realized that I did indeed believe that God is glorified when I am present for my daughter. It brings Him joy when I love and care for her. If I am to strive to do all things to the glory of God, and I know with absolute certainty that God is glorified when we love Him, and love our neighbor [including our own children], then the work I'm doing has value, great Kingdom value. This gave me incredible peace.

[note: An important thing about calling is not to apply someone else's calling to your own life - so please don't take my quest for peace as a dictate on your life. I don't believe any truths I discovered say anything about work/motherhood balance or what even I will do with my career in the years to come, only that there is value in the time I do spend with my daughter right now. My hope is that you would seek out what the Holy Spirit is leading you to - which is a very personal thing.]

Thank you Geoff, this was an important challenge to answer. I believe I’ll be a better mom, and a better Kingdom citizen for having wrestled this out! Gotta run, I've got a baby to feed!