the top five reasons i want an iphone

I have been phoneless for over three weeks now. Luckily I have a patient husband who is willing to relay messages to me (although last night he added something like "oogityoogityboogah" at the end of a text to a friend and he claimed it was from me), and I'm practically one with my computer throughout the day. So I'm not dying or a hermit or anything, which is why "want" is in the title here and not "need." I'm being realistic, folks. No one needs an iPhone. However, this morning was rough, and I blame my lack of cell phone. 

Here are the top five reasons I want an iPhone, most of which are brought to you by my crappy last two hours:

5. Eiley had her first California doctor's appointment today. This doctor is part of a pediatrics group, and it turns out they have two offices on one street. I went to the wrong one, which was an urgent care location only open in the middle of the night so I couldn't even ask for directions. I felt harried as I tried to decide which way to go on the same street, praying that the second office was nearby so I wouldn't be too late for our appointment. If I had an iPhone, I could have Googled and GPSed and not stressed.

4. Apparently, in my rush to strap Eiley back into her seat and peel out to find the correct office, I dropped her immunization record in that parking lot. People, I was so proud of myself for having that on hand, so when I arrived at her appointment and it was missing, I was crushed. I'm sure I looked insane, tossing everything around in our car, shouting "FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!" If I had an iPhone, I could have pulled up my email and had the record on hand that way.

3. The doctor's forms asked for Jeff's Social Security Number, which I don't have memorized. If I'd had a phone I could have texted him about it. This one was not a big deal.

2. During the appointment, I was asked about Eiley's eating habits. She eats sporadically and usually from our plates, so I didn't know all the answers about how often and exactly how much she eats, and this stressed me out a little bit on top of already feeling everything from the rest of the morning. Then she got a shot and apparently she moved a tiny bit and got a scratch on her leg and she cried a lot, and this compounded the stress. And then they asked for my prior doctor's fax number so they could get her records, and this happened:

"I lost that immunization record with my prior doctor's fax number on it. I've given you his name and street address though." - Me
"Yes, but we need the fax number." - Nurse
"Do you have the internet here?" - Me, increasingly annoyed
"Yes, but we need the fax number." - Nurse
"Okay, would you like me to go home, Google the doctor, and then call you with the fax number?" - Me, super super rude
"We have to have the fax number." - Nurse
[BURST INTO TEARS.] - Me

Guys, I'm talking end of Beaches, beginning of beloved pet's funeral tears here. At this point, I was medium frustrated that she wouldn't just take three seconds to look up a fax number, but I was mega mad at myself for resorting to using mean-spirited sarcasm on her. I apologized profusely through sobs, and the doctor herself came out and looked the fax number up on her iPhone (which she showed me and said, in a tone normally reserved for her clients, "See this? It's like a little mini computer!"). Clearly my number 2 reason for wanting my own little mini computer is to prevent anything resembling that scene from unfolding ever again. Embarrassing.

1. Instagram. Obvs.