Fear of Creating a Christmas Monster

In case you hadn't noticed, it is Christmas time. Last year, Christmas was stressful because we traveled to see both of our families [one in Texas, one in California]. This year, still recovering from last year, we said no travel. This year, I'm under pressure of an entirely different sort.

As far as Sofia was concerned, Christmas wasn't too big of an issue last year. She got buried in gifts, which she loved, but the event itself didn't much sink in. Now, we are approaching the first Christmas where Sofia will be aware enough to develop some expectations for next year. This has been freaking me out. 

I watched videos after Halloween of parents pranking their kids, pretending that they'd eaten all the trick-or-treat spoils. Those kids melted down like it was an Apocolypse. It was then I started worrying about the precedent I'd be setting for Sofia this Christmas. And sure enough, as we walked the isles at Target a couple of weeks ago, she was grabbing at every toy on the shelf shouting, "I want that! What is that? I want that!" Those toy makers sure know their market. Oyvey. 

I can still remember the joy I felt at discovering that Christmas was a season of giving. When I was old enough to have a little allowance, I could save up and then go shop for presents for my family and friends. It was so much fun that it began to outweigh the fun of receiving gifts. And so as I approach Sofia's first memorable-Christmas, that was the joy I wanted to teach her. I wanted her to know that God gave us the greatest gift, His own Son, and so we too give gifts to others to follow His example and show our gratitude to God. 

And we're doing activities to try to teach her about giving. She participated in Operation Christmas Child with our church, she's making crafted presents for our family members, today she decorated a cookie as a gift for Daddy, etcetera.  

But I don't want to give her zero presents. Heaven knows I can't hold the grandparents back [nor do I really want to, they come up with great stuff that I couldn't afford to provide her]. How does one lavish love and supply excitement without creating an entitled brat? I was coming up short on an answer to this question. 

. . . until today, when I heard this quote from Brennan Manning:

"The Kingdom belongs to people who aren’t trying to look good or impress anybody, even themselves.  They are not plotting how they can call attention to themselves, worrying about how their actions will be interpreted or wondering if they will get gold stars for their behavior.  Twenty centuries later, Jesus speaks pointedly to the preening ascetic trapped in the fatal narcissism of spiritual perfectionism, to those of us caught up in boasting about our victories in the vineyard, to those of us fretting and flapping about our human weaknesses and character defects.  The child doesn’t have to struggle to get himself in a good position for having a relationship with God; he doesn’t have to craft ingenious ways of explaining his position to Jesus; he doesn’t have to create a pretty face for himself; he doesn’t have to achieve any state of spiritual feeling or intellectual understanding.  All he has to do is happily accept the cookies: the gift of the Kingdom."

- Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel, copyright 1990, 2008, page 53

I'm not sure Brennan was thinking of Christmas when he wrote it, but I was. I was decorating Christmas cookies, wondering how many I'd let Sofia eat when she got up from her nap (or lack there of, because I let her eat one this morning and that seems to have been enough sugar to last her through the rest of advent). But I think it gets at a piece of Christmas I've been forgetting about for years, or a piece I've maybe never grasped at all. Yes, Christmas is a season for giving. AND it is also a season for receiving. Accept those cookies. Accept those gifts. Accept THE gift. It made me think of a passage I've been meditating on lately, that talks about Christmas, children, and receiving:

John 1:

⁹ The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world.¹⁰ He was in the world, and though the world was made through him,the world did not recognize him. ¹¹ He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. ¹² Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— ¹³ children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

The tragedy in the story of the life of Christ is that He was not RECEIVED. And for those who did [do] not receive, they pass[ed] up the right to become CHILDREN of God. 

There is an art to receiving. I think I often do not do it well. I am too often un-gracious and ungrateful of my gifts. But I can be working on that. And if it's taking me this long, it probably couldn't hurt starting to teach Sofia now a thing or two about how to receive well. We can start with receiving Christmas gifts, with delighting in the excitement of unwrapping something new, with showing appreciation and value for the giver. And as we get that discipline down, maybe we will prepare her little heart to receive the gift of Christ, the gift of New Life, with reverence, with gratitude, with humble honor and affection for the giver. 

The giver of all good gifts doesn't just need us to be givers. First of all, He needs us to be recipients. 

per your request...

Dear Nathan,

Since you requested an update and it's your birthday, I shall comply. Commence update:

• It's your BIRTHDAY! Oh, I already covered that. Happy birthday!
• I am so excited about Christmas. I can't wait to see my sister and brother-in-law, I can't wait to give presents, I can't wait to open presents. Also, Jesus' birth! Also, turkey! 
• Your house got burgled recently. Setting aside the fact that burgled is a hilarious word, that really upset me. For a few days there, I was telling everyone I saw about it. Lots of people were thinking about/praying for you guys.
• I have recently become one of those moms who, on the occasion, is convinced that her child is the most adorable ever to walk the earth. I realize this might not be true, but sometimes she looks up at me with her cartoonishly large brown eyes and does something unmitigatedly cute - a "kiss" (an open-mouthed grin coming at my face), covering her mouth and gasping in shock, dancing with the most subtle moves, surprising us with things she somehow knows (like our friends' dog's name, Luna, which she pronounces "NooNa"), pacing the room while she babbles on the phone with her Great-Granny Smith or Nana - and it makes it hard to consider anything cuter.
• My parents, Jeff, Eiley, and I got to go to Disneyland on Monday. I think I walked about ten miles. I also think it was a wonderful day. We saw Billy Hill and the Hillbillies in their new outdoor venue (I prefer the Golden Horseshoe, thankyouverymuch), went on many rides, took in most of the Christmas parade, and saw World of Color. Man, I love that place. Eiley still had the same reaction she had when we went with you and Annie though - silent, open-mouthed wonderment. 

• I am making pumpkin chocolate chip muffins tonight to take to a cookie exchange tomorrow. Muffins are not cookies. I'm a rebel.
• My sister is having a boy! I get a new nephew! And my brother-in-law has agreed to a robot-themed nursery! I have painting to do.

Okay, that's all I've got. I wish I updated this thing more often, but I've been so tired. Probably something to do with working + a toddler. Or maybe we're just getting old. I know you are. (OH, SNAP.) HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PAL!

Lahve!

emily grace

Through the monitor

Baby monitor snuggled up with stuffed animals in Sofia's crib.

Today, after attempting to put Sofia down for a nap, I instead heard her babbling to herself for a good long time. Eventually though, the babbling seemed to get much closer, and then started to sound like slobber-on-electronics. Turned out my theory was correct. She had grabbed the monitor off the table to the side of her crib [apparently not far enough off to the side], pulled it into the crib, and was talking right into it and attempting to eat it as well. She sure knows how to get my attention.


I'm thinking about communication a great deal lately. I have enjoyed having an outlet through this blog to communicate with all of you, even though most of you who read are invisible to me. This new outlet comes at the same time that I have this new little person to communicate with.


This past year, I've had to learn so much about non-verbal communication. Despite all the promises of baby books that I would be able to "learn to distinguish my baby's cries," I found out that it was not so easy. How many times did she cry, or make strange faces, or wave her hands around in weird ways and leave me baffled as to what she meant? So many.


My mom had the most brilliant idea this past Christmas [this is a bit of a tangent, just go with me here]. Who can afford to give every person in the family a Christmas gift anymore? And with our family so spread out, figuring out gifts that each person - that you haven't seen in two years - is an insurmountable challenge. For lots of our family gatherings, we've resorted to Secret Santa exchanges or White Elephant games in lieu of presents. But to bring back in some of that personal touch that made exchanging gifts with everyone so special, my mom's idea was this: we drew names, Secret Santa style, but instead of just getting that person a gift, you asked two questions:


1) What was your biggest challenge this past year?
2) What are you most looking forward to about this coming year?


With your recipient's answers in mind, you could make an informed gift buying decision that spoke to where they were in life. When we exchanged gifts, we shared what we learned about the person we were giving to, so the whole family got this efficient, but really meaningful update on each other and a beautiful opportunity to connect. It was so fantastic.


My answer to question number two was looking forward to being able to communicate with Sofia, as she acquired language. A few less befuddled guessing games, and we could really start getting somewhere. My aunt had drawn my name and got me a great book on baby sign language - isn't that perfect?! Sofia has already mastered a few signs. Though mostly, I think she's mastered the idea that signs get her things she wants. So when we're not clearly understanding her, she just runs through all the signs until we get it, and also fall over laughing. This is going to be a fun year!


While I am having fun hearing her express words in meaningful ways, so slowly, but surely, there's another part of me that is going to miss the way we've communicated this past year. Even if I don't feel confident about translating all of her cries, we did develop our own mommy-baby language of sorts. I felt adamant about finding ways to figure out what she was thinking and feeling, as confusing as that process might have been. I was able to subconsciously come to know her quirks, her funny eye-rolls, tilts of her head, inflections in her babbles. I was able to learn things about her moods, her energy level, her interests, her fears. And there was something so uniquely intimate in that bond we developed.


When I can resort to words with everyone else, I rely on those words to tell me what people mean. Of course, that's not a great idea, since most communication is non-verbal [hence Emily's wise distaste for talking on the phone, because she knows that she's missing most of the conversation that way]. But I'm lazy. I take people at their word, I'm gullible like that. But Sofia has been teaching me to listen more fully, because apparently I didn't learn that lesson well enough in my MSW program. As I take that lesson into my communication with my husband, with friends, with my family, I'm finding so much more intimacy in my relationships.


And so as Sofia learns words, it feels bittersweet. I know my lazy self. We won't have to work quite so hard to understand each other, so we won't, and we'll probably miss a bit of content about the other's inner self that way.


So as fun as it was for Sofia to say "tick tock" when she saw some cool clocks this morning, I hope I'll keep looking to see her eyes light up, her mouth form that little "o!" of excitement, and feel the way her body lurches towards the object of her fascination. I hope she has changed me forever, at least to some degree, so that we can maintain this intimacy, and I can learn to be a mother/wife/daughter/friend who listens more fully.

Why traveling with a toddler might be worth it

Santa Baby.

Ok, I got my ranting out of my system last week. Traveling with Sofia after she's learned to walk was not the most fun. But the point wasn't to spend the holidays on planes or on the phone with customer service, the point was to be with family, as long distance as they all may be. And that mission was definitely accomplished. Here are a few snapshots of why all that trouble might have been worth it:

Sofia gets to play with cousin Gus. Much love.

Sofia learns to play patty-cake with great-grandmother, Gee.

Sofia getting a blocks building lesson
from carpenter great-grandfather, Daddoo.

Sofia in intense study of pretty bells with great-grandmother, Grammy.

Sofia entertains the man (great-grandfather, Grandpa)
who supposedly never wants anything to do with babies.

Yep - count 'em, that's four great-grandparents Sofia got to bond with. Pretty blessed aren't we?

Sofia wearing one of four Christmas outfits
for one of four Christmas gatherings.

A glittery birthday lunch. 

Wintery walk with Big and Big Mama.

Quiet reading of "I like you" by Auntie Nina (Lauren). 

Cousin Eric teaching Sofia how to blow out birthday candles.

Birthday fro-yo.

Amazing birthday decor, made by Auntie Nina with so much love.

Gobbling Texas-sheet-birthday-cake, expertly made by Auntie Nina.

Office tour by Grandma.

To sum it up, that's four great-grandparents, four grandparents, one aunt, one uncle, two cousins, four Christmas gatherings, four birthday celebrations, four cities, seven planes, and one very happy and blessed baby girl.

Christmas in Idaho

I asked Jeff what I should write as a blog post. He suggested "Christmas in Idaho." I told him I didn't know what to say. This was his suggestion (or maybe I just transcribed every last bit of what came out of his mouth):

sigh.
hehehe.
you didn't...type my laugh.
(inhales.) 
(exhales.)
yeah.
(glares at me.)
hehehe.
hahaha.
haha stop. this is a stupid blog post.
Christmas in Idaho is awesome.
I like it more than California.
Not really.
I like the weather in California.
We ride limos here.
The end.

Surprise! This limo was 40 feet long. Craziness.

So hopefully from all that you interpreted that we had a white Christmas, we went on a surprise limo ride to celebrate Jeff's parents' 30th anniversary, and we all had a lovely holiday full of laughter (see video below), loooove, Jesus, and music. And presents. In fact, my favorite part of the festivities was watching the kids open presents. We have two nephews and one niece, and all three are freaking adorable. Woooooo! 

I hope your Christmases were merry and bright, Lobsters!

Sabbath Sunday #32

It's Christmas! This is my first ever Christmas morning in Idaho, so I have no idea what's in store, but it's sure to be a wonderful celebration of the best gift of ever. (You know, that little baby Jesus who came to save us all. The promise of an eternity with the Creator of everything even though we've all messed up big time. No big.) 


May your day be Lobstery and bright!


Lahve,
Emily

Traditioooooon! TRADITION. (Christmas edition.)

I told you about my immediate family's Thanksgiving tradition. Now for Christmas!

This tradition started about five years ago, and I freaking love it: Every Christmas Eve, we go to a church service.

Oh, you want more than that? Okay. Then we eat at Denny's. Yes, Denny's. We like to keep things classy and well-greased.

Next we go to Balboa Island to look at all the crazily decorated houses. My favorite is, of course, the one that looks like a Christmas hoarder decorated - a motorized Santa on a unicycle travels from the roof to their dock, another Santa and a few reindeer travel in circles on the TV antenna, there are blow up things and stuffed things and lights, lights, lights. One year they even had real snowman out front. Out of control.

Finally, we go home to open presents. Unlike the other Christmas gatherings that we attend (there are usually three others), this is a one-person-opens-one-gift-at-a-time event. Last year, Jeff and I gave my parents photo albums with Eiley's sonogram in them, telling them they would be grandparents for the first time.

I think part of the reason I love this tradition is that it ends up being very late at night, and there's something magical about being up late with a few of the people you love most in the world. Add the magic of Christmas, and it ends up being straight up awesome. This year will be my first year away from my family on Christmas Eve. I'm certain that I'll have an amazing time in Idaho with Jeff's side of the family, but a part of me will simultaneously be missing my parents, my sister and BIL, Denny, and Balboa Island. 



I will try not to do too much of that face this Christmas.



Movie Review Monday #31: Debatable Christmas Movies

Like many other events and seasons, I like to get in the mood and emotionally prepare with some good movie watching. This includes Christmas, but in my home, this always becomes quite controversial. While there is an endless slue of movies clearly created only to take advantage of people's desperation to get away from their families during the Christmas season by watching other people's families experience disaster/heartwarming/heartbreak/hilarity, (or maybe just healthy nostalgia and sense of tradition - our little family loves It's a Wonderful Life, Family Man, Elf, and A Christmas Story) apparently there are several movies that have become traditions in my heart around this season, but are not necessarily universally considered "Christmas movies." So I present to you a list of some of my Questionably-Christmas-y-Regulars, and ask you to tell me, do they count? Here I make my case(s):


1) Little Women
Emily, are you laughing at me yet? Thought so. Ok, honestly, I'm just always in the mood for this movie. But there are multiple Christmas scenes, so as the days get shorter and lights twinkle a little brighter, I love using the season as another excuse to watch a film I love.


2) The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
"It's always winter, and never Christmas." But, **spoiler alert**, St. Nick eventually breaks through and everyone gets presents that help them win the day. Also, when you grow up in Texas and never see snow except in Christmas movies, movies with lots of snow kinda count at Christmas movies, regardless of other aspects of their content.


3) Nightmare Before Christmas
Ok, it's got Christmas in the title. Probably, it is more of a Halloween or just general "holiday" film, but Christmas is definitely in there. Also, my husband really appreciates this one, and needs a good reason like holidays to make sure it doesn't just get dusty on the shelf. But due to it's somewhat in-between thematic nature, sometimes it gets lost in the shuffle. Sorry, Honey! Help us out - if you call it a true Christmas film, it might climb up the priorities ladder.


4) You've Got Mail
Again, a bit in the category of Little Women. I was disappointed with this one when it first came out, but I've watched it while snuggled up with my hubby enough times that it has quickly climbed to the top of my list. Again, like with the snow in Narnia, I think there's something about the emphasis on the beauty of the seasons changing that makes me feel like I should watch it around Christmas time.


side note: Oddly enough, with all these associations of Christmas being white, I finally live in a state where that is possible, but we're flying away for the holidays, so if it is white, we'll miss it.


5) Serendipity
Honestly, this film bugs me a bit, just like "The Holiday," and yet, Christmas rolls around and I'm just itching to watch it. Manny is adamant that this is not a Christmas film. But I saw it in theaters while on Christmas break, there's the whole scene of them picking out gloves as a Christmas present, so . . . maybe?


Alright, Lobsters, what do you say? Am I just off my rocker? Do I get a few allowances here? Any movies you have to watch around Christmas that are questionable?

Movie Review Monday #30 Redo: Muppet Christmas Carol

I've mentioned my love for Muppet Christmas Carol several times now, but I've never given my reasons for the love. Since we're in the Christmas season, here's my top ten reasons for obsessing about those yuletide Muppets:


1. They follow Dickens' classic impeccably. I recall reading A Christmas Carol in high school, and since I had memorized the Muppets' version years before, I had an impressive understanding of the book already.
2. Gonzo and Rizzo were excellent additions to Dickens' work. Gonzo truly knows the book like the back of his hand, and Rizzo...well, Rizzo's basically the best rat in the world. "Hello, welcome to the Muppet Christmas Carol! I am here to tell the story." - Gonzo "And I am here for the food." - Rizzo
3. Sir Michael Caine sings with Muppets. Legit. Also, he somehow sneaks very natural, moving moments in. I think natural acting in the presence of Muppets must equal genius.
4. The Ghost of Christmas Present makes me happy. "You're a little absent-minded, Spirit." - Scrooge "No, I'm a LARGE, absent-minded spirit!" GoCP
5. Beaker flips Scrooge off at one point. Sure, he only has four fingers and some might say that he's pointing. But I say he's flipping off the camera, darn it. 

6. The music is so catchy! I do, however, loathe "The Love is Gone." Why did that girl flare her nose SO MUCH while singing? Out of control. All the other songs are delightful though.
7. Tiny Tim is freaking adorable. So is Bean. So is the singing produce. So are the meeces. I could go on, but I won't.
8. The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come is terrifying. Still. Which is what they were going for, so good on you, director.
9. One of my favorite moments is when Sam the Eagle says "It's the American way!" and then gets corrected and says "...it's the British way!" For some reason that cracks me up every time.
10. Oh man, I'm at number ten already. I love Fozzie's contagious joy, the heckling from the two old dudes after Fozzie's short Christmas speech, Rizzo climbing over a dangerously high gate then slipping back easily through its bars, Miss Piggy's inability to tell the difference between her daughters, the accounting rats feeling that heat wave that comes at the prospect of unemployment, and Kermit's unwavering dependability. 


Happy Christmas, Lobsters! Again, I offer two fuzzy felt claws up!

An Anecdote Starring Grandma Bradshaw

My Grandma Bradshaw is a sweet, gentle, soft-spoken woman. She recently came and visited, and this happened at the mall, where there was a new Fiat on display:


Me: Ooo, I love these cars. They're so cute!
Jeff: Actually, I really like them a lot too.
Grandma: What color would you like, Jeff?
Jeff: I would choose blue.
Grandma: And what color would you like, Emily?
Me: I'd like gray so I'd never have to wash it.
Grandma: Okay, sounds good. 
Me: Are you taking orders or something?
Grandma: Yes! And I'll give them to you if you come home for Christmas.


Brutal. This year we have Christmas in Idaho. Apparently Grandma Bradshaw is sweet, gentle, soft-spoken, and ever so mildly conniving. 


To get her back for that set up, here is a picture of her in Williamsburg. In a bonnet.

Of course, "getting her back" is less effective when she looks so stinkin' cute in the picture.