Flashback! the seventeenth.

10/28/04

zoe zoe too much is changing and i think i'm freaking out about it. you're getting married, tons of other people are getting engaged, i don't know what i want to do with my life and i don't have that much school left to figure it out, and i feel like everything is crazy and any minute now i'm going to wake up and everything will be completely different and there will be no one left for me.

that's all. i've vented.

 thank you so much for being a constant friend and for not changing for the bad...that's what freaks me out about some of those other things. they're changes i don't like. you and manny is something i like.

love you so much!

emily

11/3/04

I do not know what i want to do with my life and i graduated, what, six months ago? So don't you worry about that - there's no rush on figuring that out. The fun thing about post-graduation period is that you are free to experiment with jobs and experiences because no one expects you to be settled in for life for - well - ever - there's no such thing as one job for life anymore, times have changed. Everyone changes professions throughout the years - even in midlife. So DO NOT STRESS!! Get excited to go try out some crazy ideas - like me, the secretary! Woooo!! ;) and it will never be the case that you will wake up with "no one left" for you - because i will always be here for you.

As far as everything changing, i am right there with you - same boat - don't know what to do with all of it! I have cried about three times at work today, and in the past week, probably somewhere between 5-10. yeesh! I am all over the map between super happy and super paralyzed and super down in the dumps overwhelmed/depressed. How can i really be responsible for all the things i can't keep up with in my life - money and cleaning and laundry is even the hugest chore to me these days. I'm way overcommitted.

People tell me "congrats on your engagement - wow! So exciting!" and i just look at them like they’d be thrilled for me to run a marathon with broken legs. Of course I have been wanting to be engaged to Manny for ages now, but all I can think about is how clueless I am about wedding planning. The task before me seems entirely too overwhelming for my own capacities.  I'm ridiculous. In other words- i feel ya - this is crazy times. But its ok - other people, generations in fact, have survived this, and i think feeling the crappiness of it is part of what makes the time valuable so that's cool too. I'm not sure what i'm saying anymore, i love you, and i hope you're feeling better this week.

I miss you - come home soon!!!

Lurv,

Your zoe