Dear Sofia: What is College?

Dear Sofia,

Do you know what “College” is? Based on how the world works right now, I am currently hoping that some day you will get to go to College. It seems like this is generally helpful for modern day survival, though there are exceptions. I may change my mind eventually, but for the time being, let’s just go ahead and get you acquainted with the idea.

“College” is probably a confusing concept to you, because maybe you think you already go to college, just like when I was little, I thought I was already married. I had gotten all dolled up in a pretty dress, I carried flowers down an isle in a church, I was matched up with a guy in a suit in front of a preacher while everyone stared and smiled and ooo-ed and aw-ed. Granted he lived in California and I lived in Texas. And oh yeah, he was 5 and I was 3. Turned out I was the flower girl and he was the ring bearer, but I turned down a handful of marriage proposals in preschool because I was so convinced I was already set.

Similarly, you practically live on a college campus. We “go to college” most days out of the week, because that’s where Daddy works, and it is a beautiful campus to walk and play around. We are surrounded by college students every day. Many days out of the week we can see them studying or practicing sports, and you might feel like you’re studying and practicing right along with them. You certainly tried to join in the kayaking class we passed by the other day; you were pretty impressed watching them roll the boats on the grass outside the gym and I had to scoop you up before you got whacked with a paddle! And each morning, a professor teaches you about books and numbers and the way of the world. But “going to college” is more than any of these things.

College is a place that is going to require you to work really hard. It’s also going to require Mommy and Daddy to work really hard. Right now, I’m not quite sure I can envision how we’re going to afford what college will cost by the time you get there, but we’ll figure that out when that day comes. You’ll have to work really hard because college is hard work, and you’ll need to be prepared. Until that day comes, you’ll have Daddy and me here to help you with everything. We’ll feed you, do your laundry, take you to school, make sure you take the right classes and do your homework. I’ll help you with your English papers and help you make history-facts-flash-cards. Daddy will help you understand Physics and Math and he will hold sole responsibility for teaching you how to spell because Mommy cannot spell worth beans [case and point, there was a misspelling in this very sentence before spell check caught it for me]. But when you go to college, you’ll have to do your own laundry, you’ll have complete responsibility for your studies, and you’ll have to find the help you need on your own when you don't know all the answers. And you will never know all the answers. We’ll still be just a phone call [or whatever the technological equivalent will be by that time, hologram-buzz?] away, but College is a time for you to develop your independence.

College is a place where you go to start figuring things out for yourself. You’ll get to pick which classes you want to take, and you’ll get to try on majors you’re interested in exploring. Daddy would love to see more women in mathematics, I have a not-so-secret wish for you to go into neuroscience; but when you get to college, what you study will be up to you. Maybe you’ll be surprised by how much you like political science, or you will really shock Mommy and Daddy and think that Chemistry can be interesting. Maybe you’ll want to be a professional musician or an architect. Or maybe you’ll be a history major just because you love the subject so much. College is a time for you to discover your passions and your strengths.

College will be a place where you will discover plenty of areas that are not your strengths. You might have a roommate that is really challenging to live with. They might want to be attached to your hip and get jealous if you have any other friends, or they might go home every weekend and never speak to you. They may not know how to share well with others, kind of like you these days. And that’s ok, you do not have to be best friends with everyone, but you do have to love and respect everyone. 


You might not get good grades in all of your classes. By now you will not be shocked to know that Mommy didn’t tend to get good grades most of her life, but you should also know that even Professor Daddy had a non-zero amount of disappointing report cards in college. And that’s ok. Because you are checking things out, you do not have to be an expert at every subject, and sometimes, the most important subjects require the most work and a decent dose of failure. But you do have to do your best in all of your classes, even P.E. (sorry I didn’t pass on more athletic genes to you, though you already seem to be overcoming that challenge though with how easily you out-run me already, thank your father for that one). 


And college will undoubtedly be hard because you will encounter ideas you’ve never heard of before. There will be people you meet and things you learn that will force you to ask really hard questions of yourself, of your family, of your professors, and of everything you’ve ever believed in. And that’s ok. Questions and doubts, are good and healthy parts of a process of growing into your best self. College is a time to accept life-changing challenges.

College is certainly more than I can describe to you in a simple letter. Some people will tell you that College will be the best time of your life. And while it is true that College can be a really really fun time, that claim, that “College is the best time of your life,” that is a lie. The best times of your life will be when you take advantage of great opportunities, allow yourself to ask hard questions, sacrifice your brain and body in good hard work, live fully in community, take serious ownership for your own faith and spirituality, and find great joy in life. I hope and pray that College will be a place that will allow you to experience all of these things, and I also hope and pray that I can teach you that this is the way to live for all of your life. But don't stress out just yet, and I'll try not to either, we still have about seventeen years to digest all this. 

Love,

Mama