. . . and then my life flashed before my eyes

I'm a little slow to jump on board, but I loved the posts by Emily and Jenna on ". . . and then my life flashed before my eyes" and so, without further ado, or too much thought (it is supposed to be a flash after all), here's my own list:

• doing the Cotten Eyed Joe (with Emily and others) up on stage at the President's Inaugural Ball in front of the entire extended Westmont community
• washing students' feet when I was a Westmont staff member
• nursing Sofia in the middle of the night when she was about a week old and seeing her eyes look into mine for the very first time
• standing by my Dad at 2am when he was on the phone with the hospital who was about to tell us whether my sister had survived a tragic bus accident in Colorado
• running in the rain with Manny one night during college when the power went out and the entire town of Montecito was in total darkness
• dinner at the Nadlers' with the entire Spring Break in the City crew, standing in their driveway with Manny with a huge rush of wind swirling around us. 
• standing in the back of the Fairmont Ballroom on my last night working for Breakthrough, watching Cory Booker invest genuine interest and enthusiastic high fives into our students before receiving a bouquet of flowers from my beloved CEO, Mialisa, on the center stage. 
• wearing the hugest, goofiest grin of my life while my jaw was dropped throughout the entirety of Cirque-du-Soleil, next to my dear friend Charity
• jumping up and down in my driveway in 5th grade when I got a piece of writing published for the first time, and feeling so excited to tell my great-uncle, my pen-pal, who was also a poet
• sobbing on the very very hard floor in our Berkeley apartment after a very long day that bled into the wee hours of the morning of loading up our moving truck the last night we lived there, grieving the separation from a place where we'd started our lives together.
• Manny rolling around on the floor/ground, tickling Sofia, the both of them laughing up a storm

• the candle-light vigil for my sister and the other victims of the bus accident, held in the art gallery where my photo series of crosses was on display
• walking along the beach at Renwali in Sri Lanka before dawn, watching the huge waves of the Indian Ocean crash alongside me
• sitting with a 4th grade client during a time of fear for him, hearing him tell me about how God was bigger than anything he could be afraid of
• K playing with water in the sink at his school
• Manny requesting "our song" during the dinner portion of a Westmont formal, standing up beside our table, and dancing with me while everyone else was still eating
• driving around Houston, windows down, praise music blaring, and singing with my sister at the top of our lungs, while some unsuspecting passenger(s) sat awkwardly in the back seat
• walking across felled trees that served as make-shift-bridges across the water and through the woods at Little Creek Hollow
• tending to my transplanted potted trees I'd grown from seeds on our little front porch in Houston
• climbing up the steps to the graveyard where Van Gogh was buried with my grandparents, passing the church he famously painted, and surveying the fields and view out over the town of Auvers Sur Oise
• walking through the headstones for the tenement yard in Trenchtown with a Rastafarian friend who pointed to all the friends and even the brothers he'd lost in local gang fights
• worshipping around some picnic tables, surrounded by grapefruit orchards in Texas, during a mission trip to Mexico.
• sitting on a couch all alone on my wedding day while everyone else rehearsed, journaling about how perfectly happy I was right at that moment 
• Sofia falling asleep on my shoulder in the plane, during a hard day of travel

• kneeling in the mud, weeding the lavender fields with my dad, in the rain
• getting drive-through for dinner with my cottage-mates, wearing our PJ's and bathrobes, when the rain knocked out our power
• Sofia dancing vigorously to the ABC's with a giant one legged stomp and arm flail

• twirling with Sofia
• sitting on a porch, watching the world go by with Sofia and Manny

photo by: Manny Reyes

. . . and if I think about this any more, it'll be a meditation, not a flash.

Any others have some flashes to share? 

Movie Review Monday #50: The Avengers

After an 11 month unintentional theater-fast, Manny and I got in front of the big screen today to see The Avengers to celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary. Huge thanks to our friends, Laura, Mike, and Charlie for keeping Sofia entertained with some rainy day couch-tunnels and train sets so we could enjoy lots of crescendos on a big screen that would have otherwise been severely downplayed and practically ruined on our home TV, trying to keep Sofia asleep, several months from now. Netflix, you're great, but you can only do so much for us.

image borrowed from here

The Prerequisites:

A small glimpse of the upcoming Avengers long ago was enough to convince me to see both Captain America and Thor when I wouldn't have otherwise. Sadly, after seeing those movies, I lost a bit of steam and interest in seeing The Avengers. But having seen them all, I will say Thor provided a surprisingly foundational backdrop to The Avengers, so even though the movie experience was a bit disappointing, and in fact sleep inducing, I was glad to have the background. Captain America was a fine movie, but they give you sufficient hints about his back story within The Avengers that one would be fine without having seen it. Ironman is just great, so essential or not, I'd recommend it, but you've probably already seen it. 

The Experience:

When you get to a place in life where you get to see one, maybe two, movies in a theater (due to your budget, your schedule, your littles), you develop a pretty strict rubric about which movies make the cut. For me, that rubric includes: 

1) I have to feel pretty certain I'll enjoy the film 

2) Its strengths should include elements I can not enjoy at home. 

So for me, this mostly boils down to explosive action films that have promising character development. [as of today, the new Batman film has joined the list of must-see's, I'd welcome any baby-sitting volunteers now! :) ] Granted, I only just got home from watching it, and I'm inappropriately hopped up an indecent quantity of pop-corn, soda, and candy that are usually exempt from my diet, but I would say The Avengers fit the bill on this score. The booming crescendos that had me jumping and nearly shouting at someone to turn the volume down so as not to wake my child that I kept forgetting was miles away. On top of the great action and sound, the pleasant surprise was how much it made me laugh, which was perhaps what I needed most out of a movie going experience today. Robert Downey Jr. just cracks me up. He's come a long way since I developed a crush on him in Only You. [don't tell Manny ;) ]

I will say plenty of the dialogue was thoroughly predictable. But I felt like I could anticipate what characters would say because they were developed so clearly. And when they did execute expected lines, it wasn't dissatisfying, it was just a moment well completed. 

The Characters

I loved Gwyneth Paltrow's character here even more than I've been loving her in Ironman. Her appearance is unfortunately brief, but she seems appropriately aged and yet still strong, impressive, and elegant, all within a committed relationship. Such a respectable female portrayal felt like a rare treat. 

I read elsewhere that one of the strengths of this film was that the writers/directors did a good job of bringing several characters together for one flick while still developing their unique personalities sufficiently well so as not to lose the strong story. I would agree and add that I think this was accomplished by hitting on the Achilles' heel of each hero, not shortchanging the complexity of each character, but instead using their weaknesses to propel the story towards tapping into truth and giving them all (and thereby us) opportunity for transformation through the experience.

Perhaps one of the best portrayed weaknesses of the heroes was how suited they were to having their own spotlight, and therefore how difficult it was to "play well with others." They played this off through several character conflicts, but my favorite might have been between Ironman and Captain America. Captain America was trapped in ice for seventy years, so while he's decades the senior to Ironman, he looks much younger. I appreciated the wise elder role they allowed the Captain to play in the team, how they played off of Ironman's playboy contrast, and how they two ended up complimenting each other in the end: Ironman learning about sacrifice and following the Captain's leadership. We can certainly use more encouragement towards humility and respecting our elders. 

The Follow Up:

I would definitely watch another Avengers movie. But equally intriguing to me are the prospects of a movie with Black Widow and Hawk Eye so I can have a better sense of their back story. Interest piqued, Marvel, well done. 

To The Avengers, two claws up! 

To my husband, Happy 7th Anniversary. You're my hero. ;)

Dear Manny, Happy Birthday!

 Dear Manny,

Your special day falls rather nicely, right at the end of the school year. It makes for a convenient time to look back and celebrate a year's accomplishment. Your first full year as a professor, your first year in Maine, all the while surviving Sofia's first year too. I won't pretend this has been an easy, glorious, triumphant time. It's been hard, especially this past week. I wish you could have been feeling better celebrated leading up to your birthday. But your hard work is truly paying off.

You've taught four courses successfully. You've settled us into a new home across the country. You've traveled to conferences, given a slew of talks, and encouraged your students in their RoboCup tournament. You loved me through sickness and health and a little touch of madness. You helped see Sofia through from babyhood to toddlerhood. And as of this week, your little girl can say, "Ring," and you should be so proud! [Lobsters, Manny's particular brand of Math research is in "Ring Theory"] You've learned about 8 new branches of math in the past 12 months. How many Starred Algebras can there be, I want to know? Those layers within operator algebras just keep peeling away like an infinite onion. Which kind of infinity, you ask? You'll have to tell me.

You just keep blowing my mind with all that your mind can contain, all your brain can conceive of, and all of the love you're capable of giving. We had a long hard night this week, both of us collapsed on the wood floor of Sofia's room, begging her to sleep. But you were right there with me, or maybe it was me that was with you? Either way, there really is no one else I'd want to be roughing this road with.

I knew I had a crush on you when I saw you through my camera lens. But I started to love you when I looked across that BART platform, swarming with people, counting out the members of our SBIC group right along with me, to make sure we hadn't left anyone behind. You had no official responsibilities there, I was the leader, but you saw a burden on my heart and mind, and you took charge to relieve it. With our whole group assembled and accounted for on that train, I stood, fingering the little metal heart you'd just gotten for me on Market Street for our 2 monthiversary, and I thought, "this is a guy who's gonna help me get through the important moments in life."

All those brains, charming good looks, quiet insights, and humor that keeps me smiling while I'm pulling my hairs out . . . you're not supposed to have all of those things, maybe just two at a time. You're never eager to take the fame and glory of the leader role, but you lead me and our family in all the right directions, and I can not tell you how grateful I am for that, even though sometimes it takes more faith and self-control than I ever thought I could have, to follow you. You will probably never appreciate how rare and wonderful you are in this world, but I hope you know and feel how much I know that this is true.

I love and celebrate you today, Husband. Happy Birthday!

Love,
Your Wife

Cooking with Zoe: A letter to my love

Dear Husband,


Standing with our backs facing each other, I wanted to tell you how much I missed this, cooking together. Me with stinging eyes, crying over onions, you with diligent hands, stirring the chicken. The scent of ginger and garlic, and the sound of music playing while we silently work. The brush of your arm against my arm as we swirl around each other in this culinary dance. Occasionally we turn and glance at each other, we steal a kiss. We share a taste of what we are creating together. 


We used to have this every night, this meal we prepared for each other. And I wanted to tell you how many together-things I missed doing with you since Sofia came. Lounging in bed in the morning, talking as long as we choose. Holding hands in a movie theater. Losing ourselves in the obsession of a video game until our eyes gave out or our stomachs cry too loud. Walking side by side under the stars, feeling open and free. 


But it didn't feel quite true. 


Missing things felt like declaring there was an unfilled hole, a vacancy in our love. And while it was a warm comfort to return to this act of communion after so many months past, the new things we do together bring me joy too, so much joy that I'm not ready to trade back just yet. 


You're still there when I cook, but now you are in and out of the kitchen, running before or behind our not-so-toddling-toddler. You are on the floor identifying objects of her  constant pointing. You are grasping her away from her incessant attempts to touch the oven. You are still present at my back, but she is in you arms, nuzzling her head under your chin. 

My mother taught me the art of breathing in relaxation in the kitchen, and you are teaching me the art of breathing out the joy of my family in the very same place. Breath in the wafting smells of spices and herbs, laugh out the the surprise of her new word so exuberantly expressed. Breath in the steam from a boiling pot, breath out a sigh of wonder at the tenderness with which she caresses your face. 

This is a life filled with abundance. This is sweet sustenance. This is love boiling over.


The time will come again when we cook together day in and day out. And that time will be a sweet return. And for today, I am ok that we have a new flavor of love to share. What we are creating together now, this life, it sure tastes good. 

In this special season of life, my love, I love you. Happy Valentine's Day.


Love,
your wife

Snapshot Saturday #30 Finale

I was given the idea for this shot by my sister. Her father lifts up my little angle. Precious. What I can't get over is the tongue. That pretty much captures the adorable playfulness of their relationship.


And this, my Lobster friends, concludes Snapshot Saturdays. For the few of you who viewed them regularly, thank you! I hope you enjoyed them. I will find another way to share my photography on the blog, but 30 seems like a good note to end on. Ciao!

Snapshot Saturday #3: the shot that started it all

Sophomore year of college. First photography class. Assignment: portraits. I asked my buddy, Nate, if I could use him as a subject. Not only did I get an enthusiastic "sure," but also, he brought along a whole group of friends. I told them to gather up some props and come to the Armington lawn. One by one they sat awkwardly for me while I danced around the polite sphere of personal space. Jon used someone's guitar as a prop, but held it backwards - not knowing any better, making for some comical shots. Then you sat down.

You grabbed the same guitar. Not only did you know how to hold it, you knew how to play. You began to mess around with some little jazzy improv-y chord progressions. I lost site of the sphere of personal space all together. You drew me in and I was entranced. I don't think I even realized what I was doing. I've always wondered what you were thinking as my lens got right up in your face.

Later that evening, I spent a few hours alone in the dark room. That's when it really hit me. As the shot of you developed and I saw that image coming into view in that red light, a powerful, visceral rush of excitement/butterflies/awe/joy rushed over me. Bam! It was like I got hit by a truck that was my-intense-crush-on-you. Full on twitter-pated.

You looked so mysterious. I wanted to discover what that mystery was all about. I needed any excuse to see you again as soon as possible. I rushed down the hill to your dorm, only to find your room darkened with multiple girls snuggled up on your couch. But you weren't on that couch. You were on the bunk above them, from which you jumped down faster than I could finish knocking on your door. I was almost too overwhelmed and nervous to know what to say. "Uh, I finished developing the photos. It took a few tries to get it quite right for the assignment. I thought your mom might want some pictures of you or something." And she knew right away. On your next visit home, when you handed her those prints, she knew better than even I did how completely smitten I was with you. She could see it in the shot. Smart lady.

Here we are. Six years ago today, we got married.

I still love this shot.

I love that I got to capture and preserve the exact moment that my heart fell in love with you.

I love that I'm still enthralled with discovering your mystery.

I love that the power with which those feelings hit me as your image developed was just the smallest glimpse of the way I feel about you today, as if our love is ever-developing and coming more fully into view.

I love you, Manny.

Happy Anniversary my dear husband.