Out of chaos comes order

Judging by the coloration on the bottom of Sofia's socks at the end of the day, I'm guessing the floor's not such a healthy place off of which to eat. But that's what we do alot of these days. Ok, not me, mostly the little one, I dunno about Manny, I only have one pair of eyes and only so much superviser-ly energy. 


My dirty floor plagues and terrifies me constantly now, thanks to Sofia's sampling.  This afternoon, she confirmed my suspicions that she actually prefers food off the floor when she took cheese from my hand, immediately threw it down, and promptly picked it up and shoved it into her mouth. It's as if she throws food down there to develop her special brand of seasoning. Over time, the layers are going to build up to perfection for rolling her food in. Cause you know mama won't have a chance to mop on a daily basis, or, ever!?


AND she is the one constantly pointing out to me every little thing that needs to be picked up. "Mama, there's a stray bit of Kleenex I ripped up with my mouth and threw on the floor there. Mama, come on! Mom! Aren't you going to pick it up? Cause if you don't, you I'm gonna eat it, and this time I'll swallow." (translated from "Mmm buh a;slieruapowjndf;lkj dukah")


My days lately feel like nothing but an endless cycle of urgent cleaning. It is a race against Sofia, hoping my sponge makes it there before her tongue. Or my quick snatching of a toy before she steps on top of it and topples over. Or a desperate grasp of some fragile piece of dish-ware or piece of electronic equipment before she grabs in, harming herself and breaking the object all at the same time. She is so tall, so agile, so quick. I fear I am no match for her. But I keep at it as best I can. And I trust. 

I trust that every time I return an object that she has thrown/toppled/transported to its proper place, I am teaching her something about order as I patiently watch her unravel our lives back into chaos over and over again. I trust that with each block tower she rips apart, she's learning something about building up. I trust that with each book she tears off the shelf, she's learning something about reading. I trust that each time she drags that bath towel from the bathroom into the kitchen, she's learning something about function. 


And I trust that each time I put these things back, every day that I engage in this tedium, that she's learning something about purpose. That sometimes, when we're fulfilling our purpose, it doesn't look so glamorous, it doesn't feel so good. But sometimes, it is in those persistent acts of drudgery that constancy is learned, dedication is discovered, sacrifice is submitted. Out of the chaos of grimy feat, messy house, seasoned floors, hopefully we can order up some love.  

Cooking with Zoe: A Hot Mess of Chocolatey Goodness

Are there any other Lobsters out there who feel like it is just a miracle to ever cook yourself just the basic meals? I really feel that way lately. And then, I am trying to be social and make friends. But all these things I go to are with these amazing women who always bring incredible home made treats. I always feel embarrassed, either empty handed or with a poor excuse for a baked good. I can just feel their heads tilt with pity. 

Well! This week, I finally showed up to a social gathering, proudly carrying a dessert in hand! I picked the recipe because it only had three ingredients - score! Should be totally simple, right? Apparently, not for me with my muddle headed brain these days. That is not to scare you off from trying it yourself, more just a commentary on my recent state of mind. If you actually follow the directions [what a thought!], it should be quite simple. While I did not invent the recipe, I still want to share it with you (with the holidays coming up and so many opportunities where you're called on to bring a dish), so I am owning it by re-titling it. I present to you: 

A Hot Mess of Gluten-Free Chocolatey Goodness. 

[a.k.a. "Oreo Balls" not sure who to credit the original recipe too - if you are out there - thank you! let me know who you are and I'll update this post!]

Ingredients: 

1 pkg. Oreos [I found gluten free oreos so I could make sure my gluten free girlfriend didn't have to miss out]

1 8 oz. pkg. cream cheese

Chocolate for melting [i used chocolate chips]

Directions [colorfully retold]:

I started in on this recipe after my fifth attempt at getting my baby down for her nap. She did finally sleep, thank the Lord, but I had plenty of pent up frustration from the day! Therefore, step one was very therapeutic:

1. Crush Oreos.  

I took a fork to those suckers like they were evil demon cookies that I had to crush in order to save the world. The feel and the sound of it was as good as letting it out on a punching bag! better? 

2. Melt (or just soften) cream cheese and mix with Oreos.  [skipped this step for fear my baby would wake up too soon. unwise. did not speed things up in the long run!]

3. Chill thoroughly (in freezer, if needed).  

4. Form well chilled mixture into balls.  

Despite the misleading instructions about working with a "chilled" mixture, this is where things turned into a hot mess. I think I failed to let it chill enough, and/or my palms were still extra hot from the frustration [or with a more positive spin - the pleasant warm weather?]. So instead of forming into lovely walls, we mostly just got gooey, crumby, chocolately hands:

I can self-correct though, so I eventually just put it back in the fridge to let it chill some more. This helped a bit, but not a ton. With round two, I wound up with something that did vaguely resemble balls:

5. Melt chocolate and roll balls to cover.  

This seems like a basic cooking skill, and yet I have never been able to master it. My insufficiently chilled balls of round one completely fell apart in the chocolate, making it even less smooth to roll over the following balls. All the while, my hands (and let's be honest, my counter, clothes, floor, etc.) were getting more and more caked with those three simple ingredients. So I gave in, washed my hands [for like the fifth time since I started], and got the balls into the freezer so they would hold their shape a bit better with the hot chocolate.  

Somehow, after all this self-correcting, and beating myself for not just simply following the recipe, taking a breather with another project so I didn't get too frustrated, it got done. 

6. Return to chill to harden.  [this was a step I could manage!]

I have a personal rule of never making a dish for others that my family does not also get to partake in [my mother, a teacher, used to always bake these amazing treats for her class and we were never allowed to snitch. boo! ]. So Manny was my guinea pig. What's so great about Manny, is that the appearance of his food almost never phases him, as long as it tastes good. Bless my dear sweet husband. He took one for the team and approved the treat, even though I made him eat the uglier earlier batch renditions. Then I brought about a dozen for my three friends to snack on at our evening get together, and after their encouraging accolades, these four remained: 

Turns out, when you don't know what you're doing with the chocolate, and you end up coating them with about a gajillion times as much chocolate as they need, the dessert turns out to be rather rich and people enjoy the one or two they eat, but can't handle much more. It was a hot mess, but it was a tasty mess.