I touched Paul Walker...twice. True story.

Okay, so no one thought I was lying about touching Paul Walker, but I still felt it merited a post. Here's the expanded story:


I was working at Cold Stone on Main Street in Huntington Beach one summer. I had only been working there for a week when Paul Walker entered and approached me. My sister and I had been fans of his ever since we saw the worst movie ever made, Meet the Deedles, and saw his abs. He is in that league of actors who do not need to be able to act, they just have to show a little belly (other noteworthy ab-ctors: Matthew McConaughey and Julianne Hough). As soon as I saw him, I knew I needed to find a way to touch him - not for myself, but so I could rub it in my sister's face.

Meet the Deedles!

I played it cool and took his order - two Apple Pies a la Cold Stone - and started mixing it. At one point, he had turned away, and I distinctly recall wondering whether I should say "Hey, Paul?" or "Hey, Mr. Walker?" I went with "Excuse me," which was obviously the breeziest option. I had a brief moment of panic, thinking I might be too swoony to actually do anything, but it quickly passed and I started mixing the ingredients into the ice cream. 


After the cones were made, it was showtime. He went to grab them, and instead of handing them to him like a normal person, I kind of rolled them into his hand, the back of my hand entirely touching the palm of his hand. Since there were two cones, I did this twice, passing it off as a totally normal way to hand a person ice cream. 


He and his friend sat and ate, and eventually his friend tossed some coins into the tip jar. My co-worker and I shouted "Tip tip -HOORAY!" Paul Walker said he thought we sang for tips, and I explained that we only sing for cash. Paul Walker jokingly said "Dude, take your money back," but then he tipped us a couple dollars and we sang this gem for him:

Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho

We thank you for your dough

We come to work and play all day

Heigh Ho (clink clink!)

Heigh Ho Heigh Ho Heigh Ho

You'd think that would be humiliating, but it just wasn't. 

The end. 

Jimmy Fallon kissed me. True story.

When we played two truths and a lie, two of you thought I was lying when I wrote that my husband asked Jimmy Fallon to kiss me and he complied. That means there are two of you who don't know the story yet, which is great because I love to think about it and replay it and stare at the accompanying picture. My apologies to any of you who have heard or read this story a lot. I suppose you could just stop reading, but I know, deep down, you want to relive it with me too.


On Friends, all the characters have a list of their top five celebrity crushes that they're allowed to sleep with if given the chance, even if they're in a relationship with someone else. Jeff and I would so not be cool with that, but we do have a list of the top five celebrities we can kiss. My list follows:


1. Jimmy Fallon
2. Matt Damon
3. Neil Patrick Harris (Yes, I know...)
4. Joel McHale
5. David Boreanaz, Zachary Levi, Matt Dallas (#4 and #5 change pretty often, which is why I've never made a card and laminated it. Also, I'm fairly certain that Liam Hemsworth is going to hit this list on approximately March 23 even though that would really seal my cougar status.)


Anyway, my sister got Jeff and I (and herself) tickets to see Jimmy Fallon's stand-up show in Irvine the weekend after we returned from our honeymoon. Jeff insisted that if we saw Jimmy, he'd ask him to kiss me. Well, after the show ended, we went to a sports bar to catch the end of a big Lakers game, so when we headed to the parking lot it was a super random time to leave. As we were walking, my sister mentioned how awesome it would be if we saw Jimmy, and I jokingly shouted "Jimmy! Jimmy Fallon!" 


We took a few more steps forward to cross a back alley, when my sister screamed and jumped back. There in the alley was one Jimmy Fallon, putting his guitar in the trunk of a car. A few other people were helping him load up, and I totally chickened out. Jeff said "Let's ask him! Let's ask him!" and I said "Noooo, don't bother him, he's trying to leave..." 


Luckily Jeff ignored me. He walked right up to Jimmy and said "Hi, Jimmy! My name is Jeff Fazakerley, and this is my wife Emily. We just got married last week. We both have a top five celebrities we're allowed to kiss if ever given the opportunity, and you are her number one, so I was wondering if you would kiss my wife."


I said "Just on the cheek" a few times and proceeded to stare at him with a painfully huge smile. I'm certain I looked rabid.


Jimmy said "That's hilarious. Let me ask my wife, she's right over there." He asked his wife, and she said yes and offered to take the picture. That's when this happened:

I was smiling and basically hyperventilating. Some people don't care about celebrities, and I kind of wish I could say that about myself. They're just people. They poop too, you know. But come on...that's Jimmy freaking Fallon kissing me. 


True story.