11/11/04
Emily emily emily.
Story time:
Once upon a time I went on this mission trip with a church
that i had never been to, just to be able to go on a mission trip. Scary as
heck, but one of the best things i ever did in my life. I met people there that
have radically altered who i am, how i view ministry, God, and especially
myself. I came into that group self-righteous [i know, i'm sure not too much
has changed in that department over all], and so confident that i knew
everything about God and church and sin and righteousness. The people in that
group were in gangs, did drugs, and all kinds of stuff, which at first really
scared me more than it lead me to judge them - largely because the 250 lb.
6'6'' dude with greasy hair was flipping his huge knife in and out of its
holster ALL the time. Turns out he was a real sweetheart, and actually came to Christ
that week.
Anyways. Exteriorly, they were an obviously sinful bunch.
They covered all the standard no-no’s. But those kids really broke me
down. In getting to know them, i really
came to love them, and the more that God worked in my heart about loving them,
the more He revealed the truth about their sin to me. They did these things
that would have gotten them kicked out of most churches, but our youth leader
loved them and held them accountable and was patient with them and gave them
opportunities to serve God anyway - even when they wanted to do it by dressing
goth, make up and all, just to make the Gay neighbor to our building site
furious. [youth leader wasn't thrilled with that, that's just more description
of what they were like]
I guess it was revolutionary for me to see how someone
could love people that way - although it was what i'd preached and
"known" all my life - i finally saw a manifestation of Jesus Christ
right there on that trip and throughout my involvement with that group. It totally made my opinion of their
"lifestyle" crumble, because God showed me that my sins were so much
worse than what they were doing - theirs were so petty in light of what i'd
done, which would be crap to hear, but surprisingly, i think it was really
freeing. Because He forgave us both - the petty sins and my giant sin, His
power had no difference in effecting those salvations. So while i was in that
group, He did a number on me regarding humility. And i saw more and more of the
hideousness of my sin. The more i was
able to feel God's love for me - the more significant the forgiveness became,
which made me see more of God's love for my friends.
Have i been ambiguous enough about my own sin? I hate how
preachers often do that, “we are all guilty of sins” but he’s never really
vulnerable about his own so he still looks pretty squeaky clean. So I won’t do the same. Basically, mine was
tearing apart the body of Christ. I wreaked nasty havoc in very
"innocent" ways that incurred some lasting damage. And i did it in 3
or 4 churches before i settled down in that group, and even there, old habits
wouldn't quite die out all together. But i believe that's what God cares about
the most: unity in His body – first between yourself and Him, and then the
whole body together: “love God, love your neighbor.” So it makes sense that any
of our sins upset Him, because it separates us from Him [until we are
forgiven], but I believe He cares most about our being unified and not hindered
by our judgments of each other and distanced from Him.
So thanks for hearing my apologies and forgiving me. we
both love each other, we're a little closer, alot more unified, and at the end
of the day, God is glorified, right? And that is a beautiful story of
redemption. That is the crucifixion at work. That is grace at work. That is the
love that God is. I don't mean to sound preachy, i just want to illustrate how
i am crap, but God is good. All the time. And also to say thank you to you. So,
thanks.
I love you Emily.
Zoe faith
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