oh, my. how embarrassing.

I can be a rather awkward person at times. For example, if I'm in a large group of people who I don't know well, I will either get completely silent or I'll start telling a bunch of really lame jokes. Either way, not good. For another example, a few weeks ago I pronounced "soldering" phonetically in an admissions committee meeting. Reading is hard. I don't find my awkwardidity humiliating or anything, but I can think of three times I felt truly embarrassed in recent memory. I'm going to bare those to you in the hopes that you all will comment with your woeful stories too.


1. The first time I went to the doctor after I got pregnant, I didn't know that they were going to ask for a urine sample. I arrived not fully hydrated, and I had peed before we left the house, so I couldn't squeeze out nearly enough for them to test whatever it is they're testing there. Mortified both because I couldn't do that simple task and because I couldn't stop openly weeping, I left the bathroom and told a nurse my little predicament. She looked at me like I was a sad little bunny, gave me some water, and told me to try again later. It was so not a big deal, but it felt like the end of the world in that moment. 


2. I worked in Graduate Admissions at Vanguard University. We were trying some new and interesting ways to market our programs, putting signs on inanimate objects and including cute little catchphrases. For example, we put a sign on the light posts around campus that said something about being a light unto the world for Graduate Religion. I think we did a similar thing near the salt in the Dining Commons. And I also put up signs on the vending machines to advertise Graduate Psychology. Oh man, this is so embarrassing because I honestly don't know what I was thinking. My office had brainstormed a bunch of these different signs, and I think we had joked about this one but I somehow ended up writing it and then printing it. Apparently my sensitivity and empathy had taken the day off, and that's why "Do you like nuts? Check out Graduate Psychology." was posted on those vending machines. That's also why we received a stern (yet more gracious than I deserved) email from the Dean of that department asking us to please remove those signs. Epic fail. I had implied that mentally ill people are the only ones who seek counseling, and that's just not true. Plus "nuts" is not the nicest way to say mentally ill. So embarrassing.


3. But the most embarrassing of them all happened my senior year of college. I was in the Gospel Choir, and I decided to audition for the smaller group within the choir - kind of the elite version of it. The audition was simple - one verse of "Amazing Grace." This would have been no problem, except I had been listening to Destiny's Child's "Outro" on repeat for weeks, so Beyonce's version of the song was ingrained in my brain. I'll wait while you listen to that on youtube...
Okay, so I obviously completely bombed the audition. I messed up the riff that she does (again, obviously), and just hacked that song to bits. This was mildly embarrassing. The more embarrassing moment was after I finished, when this happened:
"Wow. Sorry about that." - me
"Oh, no. That was goooood." - girl running audition, talking to me like I am in kindergarten
"Oh, gosh, no. I am aware that was terrible." - me, so not fishing for compliments
"Oh, no. That was just loooovely." girl running audition, talking to me like I am in preschool
(Sigh.) - me, exiting the premises


So awesome.