- We're still using scrolly exposition?! Come on, this is 1999!
- Full disclosure: I didn't read the scrolly exposition. Hope I won't be lost.
- The special effects are improved, but they should have kept it consistent with the original films.
- How can a movie with Liam and Ewan be as terrible as everyone says?!
- Is Ewan sporting a mullet pulled into a ponytail?!
- Did the term droid come from Star Wars initially?
- Ooo hologram bad guy.
- Why would you ask someone who is clearly a bad guy if something is legal?
- CGI robots are way less cool than people in robot costumes.
- Ewan wields his light saber like a baseball bat.
- Whoa, Natalie. What are you doing with your voice?
- I have literally no idea of what's going on.
- Is that supposed to be Natalie Portman's hair? It's like a loaf of bread arcing majestically over her skull.
- "Where's the lion? I want to see the lion." - Eiley, whining in reference to Chewbacca.
- Jar Jar is WAY taller than I thought. I thought he'd be Dobby-sized.
- Is he...Jamaican?
Shudder. - Liam isn't even looking at Jar Jar. Neither is Ewan. Was CGI super new?
- Ooo pretty underwater city!
- "I want to annihilate all Jar Jars." - Jeff "That's genocide, Jeff." - Erik
- "How rude." - Jar Jar "Hey, he just quoted Full House!" - Jeff
- Ewan has a wrapped hair thing. I totally wanted one of those in seventh grade.
- Whoa, dino shrimp fish with a lizard tongue!
- Whoa, BIGGER dino fish!
- This movie appears to just be an outlet for George Lucas to show us the monsters and aliens he made up.
- They're going full Three Musketeers.
- Wait, is that Amidala? Oh, it's a servant disguised as Amidala and Natalie is next to her.
- R2D2!
- I wonder if I'd know what's going on here if I wasn't writing notes...
- These samurai alien guys can barely move their mouths. They look like guppies.
- Did George Lucas intend for Jar Jar to be lovable or endearing? With the way Padme looks at him, I feel like I'm supposed to care about him. I DON'T, GEORGE.
- Disturbance in the Force!
- Cool poncho, Liam.
- Even the poop squish sound effect was terrible.
- Is this the cantina where we first met Han and Chewie?
- Nice pickup line, kid. "Are you an angel?" You nailed the faux naivete.
- I like this giant mosquito elephant dude better than Jar Jar.
- Oh, Ewan's long hair is a braid, not an embroidered wrap thing. Last comment on his coif, promise.
- How long before the original trilogy is this taking place? Maybe 30, 40 years? Why haven't the fashions changed and why do the vehicles appear to be more advanced?
- Hey, C3P0.
- Aw, C3P0 and R2D2 meet.
- C3P0's parts are showing. Hilarious.
- I'm starting to think George Lucas Googled some Star Wars fan fic and made a super expensive movie out of it.
- Darth Maul is legit creepy.
- Anakin, it's called a light saber. Laser sword. Pfft.
- Man, Anakin is too pretentious.
- Liam's going to feel bad going behind the queen's back when he finds out Natalie is the queen.
- My people inform me that they just said Anakin was immaculately conceived. I missed that due to a three year-old trying to convince me that I'm capable of building Legos, watching the movie, and writing simultaneously. I'm flattered.
- Is Jar Jar broken?
- Anakin fixed the pod! The swelling music tells me I should be inspired.
- No wonder this kid goes Darth (at least I think so)...everyone keeps calling him Annie.
- There's a Jedi blood test?! Neat.
- Oh, Anakin and his mom are slaves?! How am I missing these plot points?!
- I thought pod racing was going to be like shady street racing Grease style, but there's a whole official stadium and everything.
- Must be hard to walk on your hands with your feet in front of you.
- I don't think the kid with the freakishly high midochlorian count needs a Jedi lesson.
- Jabba cameo!
- COME ON, ANNIE. (Crap. I wrote that and then Jar Jar said it. I am ashamed.)
- I'd like to stay completely negative on this movie, but this pod race is pretty fun.
- NASCAR should consider adding people shooting at the cars to their races.
- How does Annie even see out of those goggles?!
- This kid is too calm. "My pod is falling apart and I could die at any instant. Meh."
- This pod race was cool, but now I'm just wondering how many laps we're looking at here.
- I have cycled between disinterest and excitement no less than three times during this race. It's like my relationship with "Let It Go."
- Ha, awkward kid/alien interaction. Do we high five? Do we hug? Let's just jump around!
- So are they taking Annie and leaving his mom behind?
- Where has Ewan been this whole time?
- THIS FILM IS INTERMINABLE.
- Is "With great power comes great responsibility" from Star Wars or Harry Potter? I think they should tell all child prodigy mystical power characters that at some point. [UPDATE: That's from Spiderman and I'm dumb.]
- This kid's acting is getting progressively worse.
- Darth Maul light saber fight!
- Does the Force give Liam some mad jumping skillz?
- What is this throne that walks like a spider? Yeesh.
- He made her jewelry. Pick up tactic #2. This kid is smooth.
- I keep waiting for fake Queen to get kidnapped or killed or something to justify real Queen remaining in hiding.
- Holy cow, fake Queen really looks like Natalie Portman.
- SAMUEL L! YODA!
- Oh geez, that WAS Natalie in that last scene. I think. I don't know.
- Why does Queen Amidala's accent change so severely when she's in regalia?
- This might be blasphemous, but new Yoda is cuter than original Yoda.
- Whoa, Yoda wisdom foreshadowing.
- Oh, padawan learner means apprentice.
- One of the council guys so reminds me of Mugatu, but with a GIANT forehead.
Yoda, Samuel L., and Mugatu - Why would the council think a little boy named Annie is dangerous?
- I'll be honest - I'm not sure how much of this explanation of midichlorians is science and how much is fiction.
- "We's going hoooooome!" Shut up, Jar Jar.
- "Jar Jar, I need your help." I think she's going to ask him to literally annoy an entire planet to death.
- Ugh. Is Natalie Portman playing herself and the fake Queen? I'm so confused.
- Uh-oh. Frog king man thinks her request for help is hilarious.
- Oh, he did a boobless motorboating sound. I think that means they'll help.
- Where did this teenage Queen get all her military strategy training?
- Is this film three hours long?
- Didgeridoos of war!
- Wilhelm scream!
- Ruh-roh. Giant robot army just popped right through that shield.
- Annie's totally going to stay in the cockpit...while he's flying the pod.
- Woo! Choral "AH" for double light saber!
- Oh, Annie. You and your piloting hijinks.
- DARTH MAUL IS AWESOME.
- "This is tense!" Holy cow, this kid is such a bad actor that they had to have him overtly say his emotions.
- What just happened? Did Liam create a force field to take a break? Or did D.Maul get Liam to kneel before him using his Jedi mind power?
- Even Jar Jar's bellbottoms are getting on my nerves.
- Star Tours parking job!
- I'm still confused by these red force field doors.
- I saw that coming. What's the term for getting impaled by a light saber? Impaled and stabbed aren't entirely accurate since there is no object going through.
- Oh, SNAP. Literally. Obi Wan snapped Darth's light saber in twain.
- Why don't they use the Force more often in these duels?
- Sad! He halved Darth Maul. No more awesome fighting.
- Did Liam just...stroke...Ewan's face?
- Well, this scene is not helping the case against Jedis being a cult.
- Annie got a haircut.
- What's with the glowy orb? It's always about a glowing orb.
In conclusion, this movie was long, tedious, confusing, and lacked the endearing qualities of the original two that I've seen. I am, however, pleased that we are watching in this order because now I will know to call Darth Vader "Annie" when I eventually get to see Return of the Jedi. That'll show him.
